Pained Life
by AAnimeLoverr29
Summary: When Allens noah begins to show he ignores it and continue working as an exorcist with his friends,but when signs show towards everyone around him Leveirerr takes him in to be trialed for heresy and treated as a noah.How will Allen continue surviving?
1. There is always signs

Allen walker smiled as he looked out of his window to enjoy the warm luminescent glow of the sunrise. For once his left eye hadn't activated in the middle of the night and he was able to have a good night's rest, although one question hung in his head

'Why have I've been dreaming of Mana now a days?'

A soft smile slowly wiped its way across Allen's face as he remembered his stepfather. He slightly stroked the left side of his face then jumped out of his bed to get ready for the day.

Why was it that after just coming back from a painfully, hard not to mention risky mission Leverierr wanted to have an 'important' discussion with him and a few other exorcists? As soon as Allen remembered Leverierr he felt anger and annoyance wash over him.

The man always made him sick and pissed off. He always demeaned him as a failed experiment of something and h should no regard to other exorcists as if the y were nothing but mere tools on a chessboard. He hated.

He paused trying and thinking about why he couldn't wash the dark feeling that now washed over him just from thinking about the man. If he stayed this way the whole day would be ruined. A deep sigh was released as well as his clenched fists then he jumped up to grab one of his shirts. Before he put it on he stared at the long Scar streaming along his chest. It was another scar, he kept telling himself despite feeling dread drown him at the thought of it being caused by his innocence. It was scary to think of why he was hurt.

Allen continued to stare at the scar nervously before he finally ripped his gaze away buttoning his shirt and ran straight out the door into the dark orders corridors. He noticed a familiar face closed to him with a shocked expression just like him but before He could stop himself there was a slam course collision. He ended up head butting straight into Kanda .

'Of all people why Kanda.'

"Moyashi" Kanda hissed in his dark and annoyed voice. Allen couldn't help but retaliate like he normally did almost everyday. To him it was beginning to become like a reflex.

"My name is Allen, BaKanda".

"I'll call you whatever the hell I want Moyashi"

"Are you to retarded to understand a simple language, or are you programmed to only understand your Stupidity"

"You guys stop fighting!" Both teens scowled when Lenalee appeared jumped in from her giggling to prevent the boys from starting a fight

"Allen-kun, next time you walk out a door make sure you don't head butt someone". Kanda continued to mumble something at Allen when Lenalee immediately cut him off again.

"Let's get going before we get late for the meeting".

Allen shot up. He completely forgot about that.

"Oh yeah. Let's get going then" He regarded completely ignoring the pissed teen who was still on the floor. As he gave his warm signature smile to the group he started walking in the direction of the cafeteria.

Lavi stretched his hand out mockingly to Kanda but he was ignored as Kanda pulled himself off the marble floor. Lenalee just smiled as she and the others began to follow after Allen. Before they knew it Lavi started babbling about what he thought the meeting would be about but only Lenalee really listened as Kanda continued to ignore, Allen on the other hand was only involving himself into the conversation when his name was called, he was in his own little world just remembering some memories of his childhood with his stepfather.

"Allen-kun?"

Allen snapped out his daydreaming and turned his head to Lenalee who he noticed was looking with what seemed like fear and panic across her normally warm and comforting features. He then noticed the shocked expressions on Lavi's and Kanda's faces staring at his direction. Allen then turned his head all the way around in hope to see what they were staring at but there was nobody and nothing was in front of him. He then looked back at his friends with a confused expression written across his face.

"What, you see a ghost?" Allen asked curiously yet unsure. Everyone paused with an uncomfortable silence for Allen till Lavi burst out laughing. Kanda forced a smirk as he growled and muttered more curses under his breath while Lenalee smiled nervously.

"We were testing if you could hear us because you got so silent" Lenalee reported while still smiling. Allen face straight away changed into a embarrassed smile.

"S-Sorry" he whispered whilst he hung his head in shame and pure embarrassment. Lavi was still laughing his head off till he began to choke.

"Don't worry about it Allen, you go ahead and we'll catch up with you at the meeting."

Allen stared at Lavi who began to look suspicious that he couldn't help but feel curious about why they wanted to stay behind.

"Why should I go ahead? What are you planning?" Lenalee jumped with her nervous smile while she tried her best to hide her constant shivering and stuttering. Kanda stared at Lavi and Lenalee before taking in a deep annoyed sigh.

"The idiots want to plan a present for you and they don't want you know what the present is, cause they want it to be a surprise". Allen gave Lavi and Lenalee a taken back look as Lenalee stared at Kanda in confusion and an expression that looked like a relieved look.

"Our Secret is out. Thanks a lot Kanda. "Allen gave one more curious glance before he turned around and began to walk down the corridors in the direction the meeting was being held, he turned his head one last time to smile at the small continuing sheepishly smiled and began to walk down the hallway quickly yet calm.

"It's your fault if you late .You don't to have trouble in the morning." When he reached the end of the corridor he stopped before smiling again childishly. "And you don't have to get me a present. I don't even know why I ever deserve one". After saying that he made a right turn and began to run down the corridor a lot faster with a warm smile on his face

'Maybe this day could just be another relaxing day'

He came to a sudden halt as he took to steps back to look at one of the windows on the ceiling. He observed the reflection uncertain of what he was there until he realized what he was seeing. An audible gasp was heard as panic struck him as he saw his own

**Reflection.**

Lenalee waited for Allen to be out of sight before she finally let out a deep breath she didn't know she was holding. Her fingers clenched into her palm with sheer force that she could feel her nails stab into her smooth skin. After she took another deep breath in she slowly spun around hesitantly to face Kanda and Lavi. Lavi's smug, chipper expression that he had been showing Allen was replaced with a serious and uncomfortable face as Kanda's face just looked too shocked and confused for words.

"You all saw that correct" Lenalee opened her mouth with fear in her voice as she tried to find words to say. She finally managed to summon her voice but as she did she trembled with anxiety.

Was that really…Allen-kun?"

Allen froze as he stared at his Dark counterpart in the mirror.

His eyes started to water as his vision began to turn red.

"Is That Me?"

My first Chapter

Plz Review or comment

Critism is welcome thanks for reading

Also **What would Happen if Ichigo Kurosaki and Allen Walker were to meet in school and Allen thought he was an Akuma?**

I asked my mate and she answered that the school would be destroyed while all the students and other exorcists would think that the two people were mad and insanely powerful to destroy the school.

?Lol? Plz tel me what you think

**Next Chapter** Falling to darkness

**Preview**

Allen Continued to stare at his reflection calmly as confusion ran through him. He felt tears fall down his cheek as well but as he wiped the tears away he knew straight away that they werent just tears. His voice was firm with hints of sorrow latched through that he felt like he was going to choke from the feeling.

"It's to soon"

Chapter 2: Confronting the darkness


	2. Confronting Darkness

Chapter 1: Confronting Darkness

First Fanfic enjoy and plz comment

Disclaimer: I do not own -man

**I won't cry**

Warning a bit of gore in this chapter

Lenalee, Kanda and Lavi all looked cautiously at each other all hoping they did not all see the same thing.

"Was that really Allen-kun?"

Lavi looked straight toward the direction of the frail voice as he remained quiet as he felt cold by just looking into her dull eyes and Lenalee trembled when she did not receive an answer. She felt a cold, eerie wind blow past her as she felt worried of something happening in the future, all she could think about was her nightmares.

"Che the Moyashi is clearly still himself I don't know why you're worrying about that idiot." Lenalee jolted, she was definitely not expecting someone to speak so Kanda had caught her of guard.

"That annoying brat might have looked different for a second but he turned back to normal after you called him so shut up and give it a rest. He can take care of himself he doesn't need your worrying adding to his problems." Kanda shouted stalking of in the direction of the cafeteria. Lenalee paused. She felt a warm soothing feeling wash over her. Kanda is really good at giving advice she muttered silently to herself. Lavi smiled as well, he couldn't have said it better himself.

"Don't worry Lenalee the expected time for Allen to change is in about 1 more year and he's strong, so until…"Lavi paused in his sentence when he noticed Lenalee freeze and stare at him while Kanda turned and unsheathed his blade holding the ice ,cold metal to the side of his neck just above his right shoulder." I probably shouldn't have said that." Lavi whispered while beads of sweat broke out onto his face. Lenalee paused as she looked towards the ground again. She had totally forgotten that Allen was expected to be changed in about one year's time. She sighed sadly before unexpectedly finding new determination. As she regained her posture she made a plan of what to do to help Allen destroy his inner noah before it could gain full control over him and with that thought her determination spiked as she believed that she could do the task at hand.

"Don't worry guys we will defiantly find a way to deal with this whole situation" Kanda snickered silently from her confidence while Lavi grinned. "For now we better hurry before we get late to the meeting. She began to walk to the hallway with a soft smile across her face fully aware of the others footsteps behind her. 'I'll definitely find a way to help all my friends the best ways I can.

Allen froze as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as well as his skin pale even further. His body that was reflected onto window looked just like him apart from the skin that continued to darken and his hair that was turning black. A black cut ran through the right corner of his forehead and his eyes were gray and lifeless. The 14th shadow that was normally behind him seemed to eclipse with his body turning it darker as it faded more and more over his body. The only part of his body that wasn't darker was his left side but at the speed that the fading was moving at it wouldn't take too long. He shut his eyes rashly then opened them as slowly as possible taking in each different detail of his reflection whereas he hoped his eyes were failing him. He looked back towards the mirror but the same refection simple stared back at him. A forced sigh escaped his lips as he continued to take in the reflection.

"Great another complication I have to get used to."

Allen continued to stare at his reflection calmly as confusion ran through him. He felt a tear run down his cheek so he used his sleeve to wipe away the tears turning his head slightly to avoid the looking at the window. His voice was firm with hints of sorrow latched through that he felt like he was going to choke, just from the feeling.

"It's too soon" he whimpered as he began walking towards the meeting. His teeth were gritted and his head down as he walked, refusing to look to anything that could show his reflection. Images ran through his head and he knew it would take a few minutes before the 14th would fully overlap his own image.

It Scared Him

As he walked he stopped again and winced in pain while he clutched the right side of his head.

"Ow what was th..."Allen paused in the middle of his sentence when something wet landed perfectly onto his bottom lip. The liquid seeped into his mouth and the taste was far from expected. It tasted salty and like copper or iron. Confusion ran through his mind then something wet ran through his fingers towards the side of his cheek. Allen a trailed his fingers towards the right side of his head. A struggled gasp escaped his lips as he changed direction running towards the restrooms. As soon as he got there he ran straight for the taps and he began to splash water across his face. He opened his eyes and remained fixed to the pool of water slowly turning red from blood.

Allen stared deeper at the now blood red water and he peered through his refection that looked exactly like normal apart from the clearly visible black shadow that overlapped his image. An unpredictable stab of pain made Allen clutch his chest and he began panting feeling the undoubtedly recognisable pain of having his heart ripped out, or if he remembered correctly, a hole eaten through it. His knees gave way and He felt his thrat clug up and choked. He was coughing blood.

"What was happening?

He couldn't denie the fear that burned in him and he stared wide eyed at his reflection in the mirror. Pale. Deathly white. It scared him. Just what was going on? He groan from a strong headache and dizzying spell and his heart pounded that it felt as though it was going to rip it way out of him. His heart beat felt like it was echoing to slow down and his eyes began to feel heavy. It was hard to breathe anymore as it became laboured and force with each breath. Then it went. He felt more and more dizzy allowing his head to throb with a newly found excruciating pain. His eyes were now dulled as if the life was sucked out of him, until they finally shut and he collapsed .He looked as though he had just died for he was not breathing or making any slight movements.

Allen woke up and what he saw instantaneously made him throw up. His eyes filled with tears at once, his skin paled and he quivered violently from the sight. He couldn't look, he felt so helpless and 'scared?'

"Why...someone H-Help...Please Help me…Please…no"

Lenalee had made it with the other two to the meeting and weirdly, Allen wasn't there.

"Didn't Allen head here before us" Lenalee looked at the source of the voice that sounded confused yet intrigued which made Kanda jerk with annoyance.

"Shut u..."Before Kanda could finish his quick sentence Leverierr entered the room instantly quieting everyone within it .He glanced around the room then he noticed Lenalee stiffen and tremble just from the sight of him, a grin showed across his face before he continued to glance around.

"Where is the boy, Allen walker?" He asked. Lenalee stiffened, until she felt a warm familiar hand land squarely onto her shoulder.

"We don't know where he is, we haven't seen him since this morning" Someone spoke. Lavi stared at the older man with a mischievous grin as Leverierr remained calm and continued walking to the centre of the room as Link followed quietly and obediently behind.

"Fine then, we can still continue this meeting even if he does not show up, due to some personal matters." He said sending a rather smug glance up to all the exorcist, Miranda was unusual calm despite her shivering and Krory's innocence was active as he remained uncomfortable from what Leverierr had just said.

"Well then I'm sure you already know why this meeting was held into session. It is still not certain that the Allen Walker will not turn against the order so new orders have been given reporting his situation. If any signs are spotted, then they must be immediately reported. We received information from Link that when Allen faced the level 4 akuma and was pinned to a wall with his innocence, his crown clown ,which normally has no effect on humans had caused a great backlash. This is similar to what was explained that happened the noah Tyki Mikk. And before Allen walker should fully become the 14th noah he will continue to work as an exorcist. So if any of you notice a single side effect or changes in the boy, then you must report it back to us.

Lavi looked angered and distressed from what he had just heard as Kanda glanced over to Lenalee noticing her desperate eyes.

"You're really serious about all this. You're all willing to kill off your own soldiers!".

"He is nothing but a mere tool in this war so be quiet. When Allen walker is an enemy then that threat would have to be eliminated." Lenalee froze as she heard Leverierr speak and Kanda just scoffed quietly. Lavi gritted his teeth but before he could shout he was punched softly to the side by the older bookman and he understood straight away why."

We are bookmen, do not get involved. Just watch and 'observe'."

"Your orders are as followed. We also believe that we now have full control over the ark and we do not have to use Allen walker to control the ship anymore. We have fully mastered the 14th melody and Link has found out the meanings of each symbol from the boy. Once Allen walker arrives we will begin the test procedure to control the Ark, plus last but not least. I never really announce that we have a new finder let alone exorcist but i found this finder exceptionally interesting and I'm sure you'll all agree." After Leverierr spoke a dark evil smile wiped it way across his face as he signalled to one of the guards to let in the finder. Kanda's head shot straight up as the atmosphere tensed. Lavi jolted as soon as he saw the finder walk into the room. He felt as though a hook had pulled his mouth wide open that he could swallow a jar full of pickles. The senior bookman stood there with wide eyes as well. Komui watched as his tight clutch on Lenalee's shoulder seemed to get tighter due to the shock. Kanda's eyes widened as well as he felt what seemed like fear run through him.

"You've got to be kidding" Kanda growled as goose bumps became clearly visible on his skin. He even began trembling as his hair spiked as though he had been frozen stiff within a blizzard. Lenalee felt confusion run through her as she stared at the new finder that just walked through the door.

"Isn't that?"

Allen clutched his head tightly as more tears streamed down his face. He was panting heavily as he kept his eyes away from his surroundings.

"Stop… please, anyone". Allen continued to whimper as he tried his best to ignore everything around him. He partially glanced up and more tears filled his eyes as threw up now clutched his mouth tightly as blood gushed out and splattered onto the floor.

"Why?" He remained in a crouched position as he cried silently. A dark blackish pool seeped and stained his crouched knees that it caught his eye and smell made Allen's head pop up and he stared at the pool that soaked his knees. He felt sick again. As he stared as the liquid that flooded the floor he noticed some chunks of what seemed like meat. His eyes then trailed up towards the source. All was quiet as he remained alone. Some bodies lying in front of first he didn't notice the bodies in front of him until he something silver caught his eyes. He was outside the dark order and in front of him was everyone he ever knew and cared for. Their bones were clearly visible and their blood covered the floor like a thick carpet. His hands that supported him while he crouched was now drenched in their blood. Slight movements were spotted but it was defiantly just the peoples limbs were ripped apart and lying across the drenched grass. Allen remained silent not noticing the tears still streaming down his face. The smell was strong and sickening as the sight was worse than a nightmare. His throat felt clogged up.

"I'm all alone ...why...no...this ...is.." Allen clutched his head and leaned forwards eyes were on him even though the sources were dead.

"!"

My second Chapter

Plz Review or comment

Critics is welcome thanks for reading

Question what would happen if Cross made a woman pregnant and Allen had to take care of her while he ran off?

My mate was choking on her meal that she got detention for messing up everyone's meal

?Lol? Plz tell me what you think

Next Chapter: Anguished Awakening


	3. Clear revelation

**Pained Life**

**Sorry about the Late Chapter. Hope you enjoy. Don't forget to review.**

**{Disclaimer -I do not own -man}**

**Its getting painful to keep saying that.**

**Thank you for reviews**

**Enjoys**

Chapter 3: Crystal Revelation

After his agonized scream he trembled with his eyes slowly dimming making his pupils darker like his soul had been sucked out. He clutched his head after his blood thirsty scream and fell painfully to the ground. Tears clouded his vision but instead of the watery blurred vision everything went red. As he fell on the ground more blood stained his clothes and seeped into his mouth. The spoilt yet salty taste dulled his senses. It was like he was drowning in a sea of blood. He looked like he was in a trance from pain and sadness. All that was heard in the silent eerie place was his strained sobs and cries. He was like a lost child all alone in the world. It reminded him of... Who did it remind him of?

"**Mana**" he whispered through his sobs that started turning into strained chuckles.

"Mana. Aha…" Just like how everything used to be before Mana came along. Either way he would stay all alone. Tears were flowing freely. This was real. He was alive and everything around him was destroyed. The aftermath of destruction. He couldn't hold it in and flipped so that he was lying on his back staring up at the crimson sky that loomed ominously above him. He was laughing crying out into the silence.

Just as he had thought.

Just as predicted right.

A figure walked up to his body from behind with his face unseen through his glossy black hair. Something black formed looking like a pitch black chain from his body to the crouching boy. The figure stared down at Allen's body not moving or talking. The chain shattered into pieces before dissolving and then mixing with the crystalline lake of blood engulfing everything as if a virus was spreading. Everything was engulfed black including both figures. The place fell deathly silent apart from the echo of the last words muttered.

"****"

Kanda was sweating discreet beads as his eyebrows twitched and his fist clenched even harder.

"You've got to be kidding" He whispered, clenched teeth. Miranda was shivering with her eyes welling up and Krowry was crying as soon as he deactivated his innocence. The finder walked in with a huge smirk across his face as he looked at all the exorcists intrigued.

"You sure know how to treat a new guest. My name's Antonio, Antonio Lombardi, how do you do?" Lenalee jumped when he spoke which made the boys eyes dart to hers. He gazed at Lenalee before bowing mockingly hiding a slight blush whilst still grinning mischievously. He watched everyone in the room freeze up with the uncomfortable feeling which made him unusually confused. All the exorcists' eyes were still on the new finder as they could not find the energy to pull away. Levierrier smiled before turning and walking

"He will accompany you exorcists only on your missions so '**keep an eye on him and show him around"**. He then turned to face Link with his seemingly naturally strict, disappointed look on his face before he continued to talk." Link go and find the boy Allen Walker so that we can continue this meeting. We will be waiting in the cafeteria. We've moved a piano there for 'entertainment' purposes". Link nodded before he ran out of the room while Levierrier picked up a cup and drank some of his hot tea that he had left on a small table. His smile was the same that could plunge anger or fear into the depths of a person's soul. "Move to the cafeteria and we will continue this conversation and until Allen walker comes we will see about our ability to control the ark without his help." Lenalee froze and immediately pulled her gaze away from the Finder.

"What does he plan to do?"

Allen remained lifeless as he lay upon the cold marble floor with blood falling quietly down the right side of his head. The only sounds audible were the quiet drops of blood and water leaking onto the floor that had slowly flooded the lonely room. There wasn't even a faint sound of breathing coming from him, let alone any movement.

Black smoke began to emit from his body and formed a familiar shadow over him as the clear water began to seep in to his mouth and nose. By the rate the water was flowing he was going to suffocate. His eyes that were lifeless looked like they flickered then something Black covered his irises before completely disappearing with no trace. Then he twitched. A sudden loud gasp for oxygen echoed through the small room rippling the water across the floor and then coughing followed. His nose and fingers began to started twitch and his heart that was lifeless began to beat again. His hands scratched at the floor and he struggled for air. By reflex he pushed himself off the ground choking .His skin that was pale regained its light complexion and his eyes opened with panic to show him the water that had covered half of his face. He tried to stand up but his legs gave way making him plummet back to the ground. His mouth felt heavy and his is skin cold with his vision became blurry. Tears escaped his lifeless eyes.

"Where am I? What happened? Still confused his memory shattered at that moment. He felt blank. What just happened. The eerie feeling still hung inside him. Did the 14th now fully awaken?

That question brought forth the answer. That dream.

Unable to stand up he sat there for some time just reflecting on the situation at hand. He could feel the cold water stream from his damp hair to his face. His face suddenly felt slightly warmer as some 'water' streamed down. Finding new strength he wiped away his tears and forced himself to stand up He walked silently listening to the water rippling beneath his feet. All his senses felt enhanced for some reason.

A certain splash caught his eye and he stared at the water that had formed red ripples in them. Allen's jaw clenched. He tensed when he reached the mirror. The tap was still running and out of instinct he switched it of while consciously stared into his reflection. The 'water' that streamed down his face scared him. He was still dizzy and dazed but he could still clearly understand.

"I'll never let you have control of me" He whispered wiping away the blood then walked out of the bathroom ignoring the small flood in the room.

"I will stop you before anything else".

Chaoji ran into the cafeteria noticing that there was an unusual feeling in the air. Everyone was staring in one direction, even while eating. When he spotted Lenalee Lee he smiled sadly.

"Anita Sama" Spotting a familiar hairstyle he felt slightly confused by the colour of it. Maybe he was seeing things.

"S-sorry I'm late, is that?" He questioned staring at the finder just like everyone else in the room. He could understand why everyone was now frozen in place.

Lavi laughed silently as he noticed Chaoji crash into the room. His smile quickly vanished though, as looked back into a side of the hall calmly observing a brown haired finder talking cheerfully to Lenalee while she was desperately trying to listen despite the awkwardness.

"This is messed up" He muttered and even from across the room Kanda silently agreed.

"Can't argue with you there."

Lenalee continued looking round the room for Allen while still feeling slightly worried. She sighed loud enough for everyone to here before another smile graced her face. As fake as she and everybody, apart from Antonio, knew.

"I'm going to look for a friend." she smiled jumping up and walking quickly before anyone could grab her into another conversation. Being around the new finder without seeing Allen was an uncomfortable feeling for her because it felt like he was just there to distract or replace Allen while he could have been captured by the order for 'information'. It scared her. Who wouldn't be scared.

"I'll definitely find a way to help you beat the 14th but for now Allen –kun please be okay" Activating her Dark boot she prepared to boost herself down the long hallway into the direction of Allen's room but a dark throat being cleared rendered her useless. She stiffened immediately from the chuckle, head reluctantly turning to face the one guilty of stopping her. Sweat gleaned down her face as she stared at the man. The finder looked on confused by the sudden disruption when he noticed everyone else partly tense.

"And just where do you think you're going, Ms Lee?"

Allen ran into his room slamming the door behind him as quickly as possible. 'I'm hearing voices' were the only thoughts that entered and left his mind. He ran straight into the room before stopping as he noticed a picture that he would recognizes anywhere. The fear was immediately replaced with pain.

"Why Mana?"

He paused staring dead plan and sadly at the painting before stiffening. He felt like he was forgetting something important and the uncomfortable feeling burning in him only made things more frightening.

"What am I forgetting?" The nightmare had become crystal clear and it was preventing him from being able to think properly. Friends. Families. Children, Women, Men. Humans, and even Akuma. It just kept replaying in his head fuelled by his fear.

Allen began to shiver again from the memories causing his skin turned pale and he could feel the cold air against his skin. Goosebumps prickled on his skin. When some water dripped down his forehead he remembered exactly something important that he had forgotten. His body felt cold and he began to tremble in alarm. He jumped up instinctively and finally reached directly into his cupboard and he grabbed a plain white shirt with black trousers. Rushing into the bathroom he changed quickly into the dry clothes drying himself down.

"I'm just being paranoid." He mused to himself smiling forcefully, he caught one last view in the mirror. A pained smile formed on his lips as he ran out of his room begging silently that he didn't miss anything to important, ignoring his image.

**Darker than Black and Whiter than White.**

Link ran all around the headquarters in search for Allen walker. He had searched all the likeliest places for him to be but it was useless. Allen wasn't anywhere that he would have normally expected him. As Link ran around he began to get annoyed about the situation and the fact that he couldn't find and complete his supervision. He halted and gritted his teeth with frustration and anger from the lack of Luck before taking a deep frustrated gasp of air.

"ALLEN WALKER IF YOU DO NOT GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW I'LL…?"Link stopped screaming and stood in the same position just looking down at the floor that seemed recently stained with something leading towards the washrooms. He kneeled down and felt the substance on the floor fully observing it. As he observed the substance he became confused of what could have happened.

"Is this blood?"

He shot up and began to run in the direction the blood led to. 'Does this have to do with you Walker?'

Komui eyes were shut as he clenched his fists with all the strength he could summon. He knew about Levierrier's plan for the young exorcist Allen Walker, so the more he thought about it the situation the more tense he got. For a friend to be sent into a life of hurt and torture was evil but, this friend was also just a child. Everybody loved him so how could they just turn to hate him without care. His sister was worrying and they had to fight a horrible war that definitely had death concerned in it. He looked on at his sister who had frozen stiff at Levierrier's question. He had no idea what to say or do in that situation. Normally he would run in front of his sister then pull her out of the situation but in this case it was definitely different. Before Komui could finish his train of thoughts a something hard and painful crashed into the back of his head making him slam painfully to the ground.

"K-Kanda" He whined. By instinct he just knew it was him. Kanda stood above the supervisors limp body as his foot continued to kick and grind into him drawing stares and horrified shouts to his side.

"I can't stand to listen to you whine about trivial things. If you want to help so much do something about it instead of whining like an idiot, moron." The hall fell silent as Kanda had finished his sentence. Komui sighed before jumping back up with another serious face which made Lavi snicker due to the blood spurting out of his head. He looked calmly towards Kanda who was standing pissed off next to him. When he finished his sentence another foot planted squarely on his forehead sending him flying through the hall.

"DON'T CALL ME YUU! BAKA!"Komui tried to drag himself away from the pissed off samurai until Lavi finally pulled the killing intent from Komui to himself with a single name.

"What's wrong with yuu, yuu" He emphasised on the name which gained a twitch. Kanda lunged at Lavi almost cutting his head swiftly from his neck while Komui boosted himself up and walked silently behind Lenalee while she remained unaware of that fact. A warm hand was placed on her shoulder and she flinched unexpecting it.

"Nee-san?"

Allen ran out of his room and he darted down the stairs as fast as he could tripping occasionally.

Right now he had just remembered that there was a meeting and he was pretty sure that it would have continued without. Plus, with Levierrier it meant that it was something that would be disturbing yet crucial. Maybe even about him.

"Please let me not have missed anything." The speed he was running was annoying him because he felt a snail could go faster than him. His hand slammed on the railing by his side and he kicked himself up then jumped over the railing which made him move a lot faster than he was going a second ago by falling letting gravity completely take control. His hair was flowing freely through the wind and he felt the wind rush by him. He noticed the floor closing in. Preparing for a rough landing he bent his knees adjusting himself to land lightly as if he waved no more than a feather not making a single sound. As landed as smoothly as planned and he dusted himself up before noticing that nobody was there then felt himself freeze.

Rewind, pause.

What just happened? Allen looked up into the air staring at the floor that he had just jumped from. Not even with his innocence activated. How could he have not noticed anything and land so easily. His senses and abilities felt different like he had woken up as a completely different person. He felt like he acting instinct more than his initiative. Something was defiantly wrong.

Allen shook his head roughly forcing the thoughts out. Not the time to be dwelling over something like that. He sighed in defeat when his stomach grumbled loud enough to wake the entire science department if they were sleeping.

"I must have missed the meeting." He said gloomly. Then he beamed

"But that doesn't mean i can't have something to eat"

Now smiling he ran towards the cafeteria imagining what he was going to ask Jerry to cook up for him.

"And since I'm going through a lot right now I'm going to order as much as I can"

A dark grin formed and energy he never thought he had helped him to dash down the narrow corridor.

Everything would work out. He would make his own path.

Link ran into the direction when he heard something hit quietly behind him. His hearing was sharp for an average human, as was his skills, so he could hear a person whisper for quite a distance. He spun round to see Allen patting off some dust from himself then look up with a worried look in his eyes. Then he shook his head, unaware of how crazy he looked, before running into the direction of the cafeteria. He seemed distant for some reason but his grin proved over wise. Link looked up in the direction of the rooms and he stared at the floor where Allen's room was before gasping.

"Did he just jump from that high up?" Before being able to ask questions to no one inparticiular his eyes caught the silvered hair boy again as he began to sprint. Links eyebrows twitched when a thought came to him. "If Allen Walker Gets there before me then..."He gasped and began sweating."Levierrier will remove me from the field for being unreliable" Link turned around almost immediately that the thought hit him and he ran straight up towards the cafeteria as soon and fast as he could.

When Allen reached the cafeteria he noticed that everyone's gazed turned to him. He was now blushing slightly and he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. He was the last one there and it looked like he missed the entire meeting. He watched everyone before a voice made him tense.

"And where is Link?"

Allen's eyes trailed towards the source but before he could answer footsteps were heard as well as someone panting.

"Well I think that answers that. Now that you have finally decided to grace us with your presence we can now get this meeting started properly." Levierrier stated. Allen laughed nervously to himself while walking to stand next to Lavi.

"What does he...?" The voice whispering was immediately silenced be another member of the audience and Link took up his usual stance.

"Now that Allen Walker is here I believe it is time for him to meet the new finder Antonio Lombardi." Lenalee tensed as well as everyone in the room tensed as their thoughts echoed in their heads. "He and his mother are both going to be finders in the order form now on and they will be accompanying you on you missions." Allen looked puzzled form Levierrier's words. He turned to Lavi then realized the uncomfortable looks everyone was giving off.

"Why is he discussing to us about a new finder? He never even discusses about a new exorcist unless he is talking about their innocence but even that happens only once in a while with general levels." He asked quietly as not to be heard.

Lavi was too tense for Allen's liking which made Allen question what was going on. He was now glad that he did not miss the meeting now due to the turn of events. He looked at Lenalee and noticed she was shivering and that she had Goosebumps on her uncovered arms

"Lenalee what's..?" Allen froze when someone walked out from behind him. His eyes widened and he was baffled. Antonio who walked up behind Allen turned to face him with a hand outstretched. Allen didn't move and he ignored the hand that was meant to be shaken not caring about manners. Antonio looked up slightly annoyed that the boy didn't accept his politeness but when he looked up he understood exactly why. Allen's eyes remained wide open and his mouth looked like they couldn't form any words. He was cold now and a headache was forming. Both boys stared at each other not sure of what to do next. Levierrier grinned and Lenalee was frightened as she watched the scene in front of her. Both boys dared not to move making the eerie feeling in the air worse. Allen finally found words to say as he didn't even blink and neither did the boy he was looking at. They both opened there mouths at the same time to speak and the same words came from both of their mouths but with Allen it came out more like a strained whisper.

"You look exactly like me."

There you have it. Sorry for the late update. I will try to update as soon as possible but that doesn't mean that I will update quickly because I have coursework and other things. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Plz keep reading and Plz Comment. If there is any ideas send them to me .

Question

How would Kanda react to being told to sing Balamory?


	4. Meeting

Chapter 4: Meeting

**Sorry again for late chapters. I'll try to make this weekly so maybe next week Friday.**

Allen continued to stare at the new finder as did his 'twin. The boy looked almost exactly like him apart from the fact that he wasn't cursed so he didn't have silver hair and a curse mark on the side of his face. There was a dark silence in the air as no one dared to speak in the situation. The finder stared at him in just as much shock until his expressions changed to show slight disgust. Nobody could form any words for the situation so the silence seemed impossible to overcome. Allen face showed he was disturbed by the situation and Lavi observed everything. His attention was pulled and he turned to glare in the direction of Levierrier to see that the man had his usual smug grin. He felt threatened for some reason.

Uneasy.

"I take it you didn't call this meeting here for this what else do you want to discuss?" He said with his voice laced with thin strings of anger. It startled and shocking everyone in the room, even Leveirrier. Levierrier smug look replaced his surprised expression then it quickly changed by when he pulled out something from his pocket to reveal a golden brass key.

Lenalee stared at the key in surprise her features showing worry and fear that even she didn't fully understand. After all it was a key? Levierrier walked towards the side of the room where a black grand piano was settled and he used the key to open a lock with everyone's eyes on him. Lenalee could feel her heart pounding and when she looked at Allen she felt worry for the new turn of events. Something was worrying her but she wasn't sure what and why.

"We have listened to you play the 14th melody and we have taken the notes from you and gotten a pianist to play the tune." Levierrier paused as he turned to Allen whilst a man with medium black hair in plaits similar to Link moved to the piano and sat down. "And we have successfully opened gates and we are now to test if we can control the ark with no problems without you." Allen knew exactly what he wanted and he stood prepared only nodding as a sign that he was prepared. Antonio stared around the room not failing to notice another cold feeling occupy the air around him as everyone's eyes were no longer on him. He stared to his 'twin and felt a cold feeling aura surrounding him as well.'

"Why the hell do I look like this freak" He muttered with disgust burning of the tip of his tongue. Then he turned around noticing the emerald haired girl shivering as she stared upon the white haired boy. Did he hit a nerve? Still he didn't care about that. Why did he have to look like a monster? Wasn't he an akuma? And this girl, why was she looking so concerned with him. 'What are they to each other?' The feeling made him burn up with annoyance. Whatever those two were to each other, he hated it.

Lenalee jumped and she turned her gaze to look at the new finder nervously. She didn't know him but she was already freaked.

Allen's fists were clenched and he tried to stand straight. His skin was cold and he felt his head partially pounding but he didn't fully understand why his entire body was screaming out in complain. It took all his strength to remain standing in the same place, and he was still trying to forget that nightmare. It felt so real…like a vision.

'Could they really control the ark without him? That would be good, right?'

Levierrier turned back to the pianist and signaled him to play and the man nodded beginning to play. Allen felt his eyes widened as he listened to the melody. All sound seemed cut off as he listened. It felt wrong. Just plain wrong. There were so many different chords and the lyrics sounded dead, as if no one was singing. The melody sounded dead.

A migraine formed as he stared at the pianist before white sparks caught his attention and his gaze turned to a new portal that stood just besides the piano. It looked sickly despite looking similar to the ones made before. It was as bright…and pure. There was no feeling in it. Just walking in seemed to promise death.

The music was still playing and he couldn't hear anything. He felt like he was in a trance. His head spun a bit to face Levierrier and he could see his lips moving forming words but he couldn't hear clearly. The melody being played seemed to deafen him. He turned round to see what was behind him but as soon as he did his vision went. He couldn't hear or see. He felt Hollow yet painful. Allen closed his eyes trying to tune out the melody yet failing. It felt like an insult =listening to this fake copy. So much so that he almost lost his balance. He rubbed his temple.

Levierrier spun around to fully face the teenager and his eyes narrowed in curiosity before he signaled for the pianist to stop playing. He felt annoyance seep into his consciousness and his smile faltered instantly. The boy was an annoying case but a thought entered his mind again. If Allen Walker should show any signs of becoming a Noah I have some very interesting plans that will proceed. He already had permission.

Allen twitched when the melody finally finished and he looked up to stare at the Leveirrier. "Allen-kun what's wrong?" Lenalee asked. He turned slightly just enough to see her worried expression. She walked a bit closer before he waved his hands up to show that he was fine. Antonio stared in confusion as they stopped playing the melody. He didn't understand what was so good about a melody and he didn't understand what gate they were talking about. The melody did sound hard to play but not impossible so why were they were acting as if only one person could play the tune. But what shocked him the most was when white sparks came out of nowhere. No doubt that guy was an akuma. He was basically still confused about what everything was about. So he turned to look at bright sparks that surrounded something that seemed to split the air.

"What is all this about?" He looked at one of the females in the room and through her eyes he looked at his own reflection feeling irritation immediately.

"This is a messed up situation"

Allen continued to glance at Levierrier in confusion clearly feeling the ice draining away from him.

"Well. Allen Walker is something wrong with the tune?" Allen jerked looking for something to say as a reply. Levierrier grinned again.

"No" His voice was low and his reply was deadpanned. Levierrier twitched and his face that held his annoying grin disappeared as he began to scowl.

"Fine then. Test it out" He said fixing his gaze on Allen.

Allen knew it was not a 'suggesstion'. In fact, his words showed that there was no room for excuses. It was an order, like everything that seemed to exit Levierrers mouth. His jaw automatically clenched before he nodded and began walking towards the gate only stopping directly in front of it.

Nothing would happen right? He didn't even bother to turn and see the 'bystanders' faces. No need. He just wanted to get this over and done with and get something to eat. He wanted to just continue as normal, with no more complications.

He inhaled a large amount of air then closed his eyes before taking a daring step forwards. The sparks hit his face send waves of heat through him, but nothing dangerous.

Then he was inside. It wasn't as bright.

It didn't have that warm feeling. Just a bit dull. Still, it was the ark. With another breath he ventured in.

Nothing wrong.

It sounded doubtful.

Allen began to walk around the ark observing each of the difference that stood out. And apart from some gates not being opened and the place being a bit duller than original, nothing else was wrong. The fact that the gates didn't lead to anywhere was probably because of the 'new player'. At least, that's what he thought. He turned back and walked straight out returning back to the cafeteria.

"Is there anything wrong?" He shook his head. Just the gates need to be reactivated... I think."

Levierrier looked disappointed and he scowled silently before signaling for the pianist to get up and leave and he proceeded to follow then he turned to Link.

"Continue your post around the boy."

As they left the room Link only nodded. A woman who looked like she was in her early twenty's entered the room smiling cheerfully for an unknown reason. Her smile was warm and as soon as Lavi's sight settled on her everyone's eyes caught onto him. Crowry sighed knowing what was going to happen next as well as everybody else.

"Strike!"

They knew it. So predictable. Antonio stepped forwards with a slightly proud yet disturbed smile on his face. Then he stood in front of her looking protective.

"Sorry, but this is my mother"

Lavi gasped and Allen felt the sudden need to burst out laughing. The woman identified as his mother had medium blond in hair, the sides in plaits, tied up with the back neatly, a similar to Kanda's, and she wore visible makeup.

"My name is Lendaina Lambardi and I will be a nurse here in the order." She bowed with towards everyone and gave another warm smile "Please take care of me"

When she looked up again her smile quickly disappeared and she paled slightly turning to look at her son. Seeing his mothers face and he sighed before pulling her away and pushing her onto one of the seats in the hall and then turning back to the audience the inspector made when he was in the room earlier.

"I'll be going with you guys on you next mission and my mother can accompany if she wants to." He began slowly walking besides Allen and nobody spoke. Allen remained frozen only staring at the boy. Antonio leaned in closer, his smile wiping of his lips as he did till he could speak into Allen's ear. Lavi smile disappeared replaced by the sharp curious eyes only a bookman could summon, staring at the boy curious of what he was going to say. Allen flinched.

"I'll be accompanying you on your mission **Walker**" Allen flinched. It sounded like the boy was threatening him. "But…Just because you look like me…That doesn't mean I have to like you" He whispered into his ear dangerously. Allen froze feeling the murderous intent in his voice but the last words made him shiver and feel a stab of pain.

"Freak" He whispered before turning around and leaving the boy staring into space aghast speechless.

What…just…happened?


	5. Struggling mind

Allen felt himself drifting in and out of consciousness as the scenery flew by. Train rides nowadays made him feel drowsy but he was afraid of falling asleep.

Ever since that first nightmare when he fell unconscious he couldn't sleep. If he ever fell asleep he would see a different dream but they all had the same meaning only reminding him of death. When Lenalee had told him about the nightmares he comforted her and even though he didn't understand the fear he still wanted to help. Now, however, he understood clearly.

Too clearly.

Fear had literally consumed him. He couldn't sleep and he felt like he was forcing himself to even sleep. It had been a week since Levierrer 'meeting' and his introduction to Antonio and ever since then he was less at ease. It felt like his doppelganger was simply to be a replacement for him. He couldn't even function properly.

He just felt completely exhausted…and paranoid.

It was a miracle itself that he could pull the blind between everyone's eyes because they didn't notice a thing.

Either that or they didn't care.

Still it wasn't a bad thing. It was relieving as he wouldn't have to deal with all the questions and he wouldn't have to deal with anymore of Levierrer's assumptions. After all it did feel like it had to do with the 14th, and even though he vowed to fight him back, his will was fading…along with his soul. That's what it felt like.

He felt like he was slowly dying and giving up. It was a natural thing to expect, when you haven't slept in a while. The mission, to say the least, wasn't helpful. It only made him more tired and exhausted and he refused to sleep. He could practically feel each agonizing heartbeat beating against his ribs. It felt like he was suffocating as he had to control his breathing and keep it as normal as possible. Even now. He almost fell asleep after a surprise attack by the level 3's but thankfully to some drugs found in the hospital; he was able to stay a bit active. That was two days ago.

Allen sighed and pulled himself to stand up stretching feebly. His muscles were tight. His sigh caught the attention of everyone else in the room and he had to control his breathing to stop from hyperventilating. He didn't want anyone to worry about him.

"What's up Allen?" Someone in the room asked, looking pretty chipper as usual. Allen smiled.

"Nothing. Just want to use the restroom." He paused inhaling then continued again with an idea. "And while I'm gone Lavi, think about chasing after people, your own age" Emphasis. Allen grinned and leaving the flabbergasted Lavi alone with the others who laughed at the small joke. He needed to seem like nothing was wrong.

He could feel someone's eyes burning hatred and disgust into his back and had to try to maintain his fake routine. Kanda's glare wasn't half as bad but this was one wasn't just threatening death. It was burning death into him.

Allen walked out feeling his breathing become more rigid and his heart beat spiral. He needed to drink some water.

Lenalee was staring at the door where Allen had just retreated from. There was something wrong but a part of her refused to acknowledge it. He seemed just as fine as normal, maybe a bit playful, but still, something unsettled her. For instance, it didn't look like he slept last night, or the night before that now that she thought about it, and he also looked sick. Probably hungry.

Where had his appetite gone?

She was sure that the rest had noticed too but it didn't seem like it was anything someone could ask him. He seemed even more closed off and secretive. It hurt seeing him like that. She was almost sure that he was in conflict with himself, but she didn't have any proof. Still, they could talk amongst themselves about everything right?

"D…"

"Leave it" Lenalee blinked then turned to Kanda who was simply cross legged and meditating. She didn't even get to say anything before he cut her off. Kinda freaky how Kanda knew when 'exactly' she was going to talk.

"I have a headache already. I don't want to listen to anything to do with the moyashi."

Then Lavi interrupted.

"We're going to have to talk about this anyway, so isn't it better if the lil sprouts not here."

Nobody could argue there

Kanda grumbled but didn't elaborate making Lenalee momentarily grateful. But it quickly diminished when she remembered the occupants in the cabin. Bookman wasn't a problem. It was more like Antonio. The way he looked sometimes made her think she was talking to Allen, but the way he acted scared her even more. They were nothing alike and Antonio showed it in every way he could. It was easy to detect the hatred he felt the first day he saw Allen but it made her feel sick the way he acted around him. Allen's going through a lot right now.

Does he have to have more on his plate?

After getting something to drink Allen found himself in the bathrooms staring at his reflection. It was still overlapped and it was looking more and more menacing. Was this how all Noah's changed, or was it different for each one. Either way, if it was indeed different for each one then his were to mentally traumatise and torture him. And it was working.

He'd already become Lygo and Oneiro-phobic. (Fear of the dark and dreams)

His sudden change in behaviour was showing it. Having a fear of darkness and even dreams almost sounded ridiculous but here he was, fearing such things. He wanted to have dreamless dreams and for the day to never end. Otherwise the thought made him shiver and panic in pure terror. Here he was, being a frightened little kid again. Water splashed on his face and Allen felt relieved by the sudden coldness erasing such thoughts. He was stronger than that. He would be just fine. He splashed more water on his face then dried his face with a towel staring at the silver eyes that peered back clearly despite being in a dark image of himself.

This was nothing. He got over his fear of the shadow, He could get over this. Allen nodded putting his straight façade back on seeing the same mask on his face as usual. His smile wasn't broken which was a relief. It looked just as real and realistic as always. This was nothing.

He inhaled rather loudly then checked his appearance in the mirror managing to ignore the shadow.

He looked dishevelled. No other word for it. Like he hadn't slept for day, which was true. In fact his whole scattered appearance clearly described him. He was tired. He was hungry. He was sick. And he was in pain. The last thing on his mid was actually the thought of food. He had only been drinking water and coffee for the past few days. The thought of food made him want to puke.

Allen groaned. What was wrong with him? How could a nightmare put him off everything? Still, he couldn't ignore the pain. His chest hurt and despite there not being a scar apart from the long one that ran across his chest, he was aching all over. The Akuma's pressure felt overwhelming that he felt like he might have almost lost consciousness. He didn't even get to fight. That weak.

Allen groaned again splashing his face for the third time. Not the time, not the time. He needed to ignore everything. At least they got the innocence without anyone suspecting anything…not even Link. Speaking of Link, wasn't he supposed to be following him? Not that it was a problem. The minor freedom helped him breath as it was restricting before.

He repeated the previous procedures with a towel and then shook his head of all thoughts finally managing to control his body again to move. He'd been gone for a while and he didn't want anyone getting curious. He was fine. He would definitely not give up.

As soon as Allen opened the door he accidently ran into someone. But before he could react to apologize he suddenly had an intake of air into his lungs as if something was rushing at full speed towards him. The air was pulled out of him making him feel like he was suffocating. His body refused to react, even if for a second. He was inhaling at least trying to show an effort to breathe. He couldn't breathe. Then everything played out quickly in his mind. When Allen tuned out his was being shaken by the shoulder by the man he had accidently ran into and he realised that he was on his back with people surrounding him.

"Sir exorcist. Are you okay?" His eyes snapped to the owner of the gruff voice and he was sure that he looked frightened by the way the man stared at him. He was scared. What had just happened? He hadn't remembered falling to the ground. He didn't remember even falling backwards. His breathe ran through his body but it was hot. Seconds later he knew he was panicking.

Allen pulled himself up sit as he felt himself start to hyperventilate.

"It's nothing, sorry to worry you" Then he quickly got and re-entered the bathroom. All the while hyperventilating. What just happened? What did he just see?

"So you think that we should try and get Allen to sleep?"

"I noticed that the boy hadn't slept or eaten ever since the mission briefing." Lenalee nodded as she digested the information.

So she wasn't being paranoid. Everyone else noticed as well. The only thing was talking to him. He obviously seemed troubled and her as well as everyone else.

"We'll ask Allen and if he tells us then that's good but…"

Lenalee nodded.

"I'm sure he'll tell us. Let's make sure that Allen kun …"

"Why'd you like this guy?" Lenalee blinked, as well as everyone else in the room, and they all turned to face one corner of the room. Lavi suppressed a shudder. He hadn't forgotten the other occupant in the room but he felt more than creeped out by the familiarity. The voice was even similar, if not for a bit deeper. Anyway back to his question.

"What do you mean?" Lavi answered locking his gaze onto the brown haired finder. Neither flinched and Lavi could feel the pressure in the cabin drop. Then Antonio ripped his gaze away scoffing and stood up.

"Nothing." He simply muttered almost too quiet for anyone to pick up, and then he walked out the room. But Lavi heard and felt his gaze sharpened at the closed door. There was something definitely wrong with that guy and it made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

Something was sick about all this and he felt like Bookman wouldn't tell him even if he asked. Even if he was to be his successor. Bookman or not, Bookman had plenty of secrets.

Allen kept going over what had happened had happened a few seconds ago but no matter how many times he went over it he felt more and more unsettled. As soon as he came into contact with that man it was like he was transported to another place and everything was happening so fast that he couldn't even react. What scared him the most was what he saw? It had to be his imagination. It had to be.

The innocence that Kanda had retrieved was covered in blood and was being held by Antonio. That man he had run into had walked in to see the image of Antonio holding a bloody dagger and standing over someone in an exorcist coat. He could clearly remember what was said before he was pulled out of wherever he went and it scared him.

He's an Akuma. What was that supposed to mean. All he saw was an exorcist coat by the finder's feet.

Just what was going on?

Still hyperventilating Allen stood up from his position shaking profusely towards the sink dropping his exorcist coat in the process. His heart was beating so fast and he was hot making it even harder to breathe. He splashed water on his face for the sixth time that day.

It was his imagination. Not having enough sleep was affecting him. He was daydreaming, nothing more. He was hallucinating. Simple.

Still something unsettled him.

He shook himself off again then stared at his reflection.

Pale. He looked even paler.

The door to the bathroom opened and he gulped quickly drying his face before fixing of his clothes. He tired but it was better than looking rough and suspicious. When he turned though he felt his blood freeze.

It was just his imagination. Nothing more.

Antonio stood beside him in the washroom washing his has had as if he was experimenting cleaning something of pure quality and he completely ignored the presence of anyone else in the room.

Allen unconsciously held his breath. Imagination of not, he was uneasy. When Antonio finished he began dry off his hands before his sights finally set on Allen. It felt cold all of a sudden. Allen looked directly to the inverse mirror image, and then he put on his normal façade.

"Is something wrong Antonio?" He asked smiling as if there was no fear trying to rack throughout his body.

"Akuma"

Allen stared at him and felt his blood run cold as something glinted from within his finder jacket.

Then everything happened to fast for him to understand.

His stomach burned. Antonio was holding him as if he was embracing a personal friend which wouldn't look at all dubious of what he had done. His elbow roughly pulled backwards and Allen felt his knees finally give up. He crumpled to the floor clutching his stomach. He could feel blood pooling around his hand and shirt and could only gasp in a feeble struggle to breath.

What just happened?

A man walked into the rest room and stopped staring at the scene before him. He gasped and slammed backwards onto the door behind him. Then Allen recognised him and completely froze.

**Déjà vu**

**Yes, I've returned with Pained Life. It will be very slow as I in fact do not have a plan for this story. The good thing though is that this story shouldn't be cliché and it should have lots of cliff-hangers. Mwhahaha. But anyway, reviews motivate me so continue with the reviews please.**


	6. Betrayel and Loss

The innocence that Antonio held was covered in blood. A greed jewel shining on the hilt contrasting with the dark red colour covering half of it. It looked eerie.

Allen continued to stare at the man who had entered feeling dazed as well as numb. The pain was still there. When he looked down he was greeted with the sight of his abdomen stained with blood. His blood. He barely registered the fact that Antonio holding a bloody dagger and standing over him. All that ran through his mind was the fact that he had just been stabbed. It felt like déjà vu. He saw this just by touching the man earlier. His blood was coursing through his veins. He was going to pass out.

"He's an Akuma."

The man stared at the finder before him like he was mad. He was looking up and down at a fast pace looking at the exorcist coat by Antonio's finder's feet.

"He's…He's…" He stuttered, back pressed hard against the door behind him. The man before him was walking towards him with the innocence at hand.

"P-Please…I have a wife" He stuttered.

"Like I haven't heard that before" He was walking faster. Please don't kill me.

Allen remembered he felt his mind ring. He couldn't move. His body had completely frozen.

Was Antonio going to kill him?

When Antonio was directly in front of the man he stood making himself eye level with him.

"He's an Akuma"

The man nodded, fear evident all over his body as he shook like a frightened puppy.

"H-He's… an...akuma"

Antonio nodded then walked away giving access to the man to sprawl away. The last thing Allen saw was the grin on his face that resembled a sadistic murderer.

Antonio quickly and effortlessly fixed his coat feeling the texture of the fabric on his fingers.

He was still laughing.

That guy had no idea what was going to happen. Such a loser. In fact, the dick had no idea what he had just done to him. As soon as he would leave the train he would be dead. That toy that he had been taught to make would explode and rip the guy apart.

He was not a murderer…in public. If he killed that man then he would have been caught in trouble by other passengers and even the other exorcists. That would only lead to them finding the **demon** unconscious on the floor. His coat had no stains on it and there were no signs of him committing any signs of a like a professional.

It felt so cool.

He stared down at the body lying next to him and felt another grin rise. Nobody could say anything. It wasn't a waste either.

He was only following orders. The guy was obviously a demon and he felt so powerful for being able to weaken it. Who couldn't tell that someone with that type of appearance wasn't an akuma in faulty disguise? It was just plain obvious. He lifted his foot and quickly swiped it across. The thing flicked to the side. He kicked again and when it was on its back he stared at it. He would and could never feel sympathy for another demon again.

It made him disgusted that the thing had the guts to take on its appearance like him.

He stared at the abdomen of it and picked up its uniform that it was wearing not long ago that it had just discarded onto the floor. It was probably just losing control. It didn't deserve to wear anything the coat of an exorcist.

Abomination.

It made him sick.

He would never call it by it's**used** name. It was a demon. Nothing more.

And he wasn't even close to finished with it. He would continue to weaken it until he was able to kill it.

It was a monstrosity and he rid it and as the true messenger.

His room felt cold as soon as he entered. He immediately reached for the light switch and without hesitation clicked. It was the same as always, comforting. The room was illuminated in light and he smiled walking further in.

That mission was too much for him to deal with. He still remembered everything crystal clear.

Allen quickly locked the door then turned to the mirror of the bathroom and weakly unbuttoned his shirt,reluctantly pulling the fabric away from his torso to get a good view of all the damage that he had obtained over the past month.

It felt natural since he had been going over the same routine every day since the mission finished. He would stare at the damages trying to heal.

His entire torso was covered in different scars. From stab marks to scratches.

He felt sick. All the injuries that he had gotten during his life didn't scare him as much. They didn't feel as bad. He didn't feel as tainted. Antonio really did a number on him over the past days. He had been stabbing him discreetly and he couldn't bring himself to tell. It hurt but he preferred suffering in silence. It was left trouble that way.

He had a long cut overlapping the previous scar but the difference was the skin intensity. The colour was like a virus. He was still vaguely aware that he was still bleeding from a fresh cut but he couldn't take his eyes off the skin around it. It was burning. It looked like a web was forming and spreading around his skin from the same point. It was turning grey. The light ash grey was spreading ever so slowly, as if trying to torture him with the fact that it was there. What scared him the most was the fact that he was already used to it. It was showing that he was changing and he didn't even feel anything. No remorse or desperation.

Nothing.

"It's going to start hurting if you don't sleep"

Allen froze. Rooted to the spot.

Who just?

He felt panic reroute it's self in his self after such a long time. His chest hurt from his abnormal breathing. It hurt.

He was scared.

He felt black cloud his vision and felt hysteria force it way in without any challenge.

"Please Stop"

Allen's eyes were tightly shut as he hit the floor now with his arms supporting him. That wave of pain that just ran through his body. It hurt. He took his time to breathe before standing back up and buttoning on a clean shirt that was in the room. His body ached and he was sure he would fall asleep any second. He was paranoid. Going crazy from the lack of sleep but he still couldn't.

He couldn't let that happen. He stood up with a small whimper and splashed water in his face. He then left the room with a huge smile plastered on his face.

He needed to at least try and eat.

Komui was concerned to say the least. In better words he was in shock.

There was a golem siting on his and was fluttering it's wings occasionally as a sign of movement on top of a file on his desk.

Komui felt sick. No other word. He stared at the golem and felt another wave of nausea run over him. The video footage was still there, recorded into the golem's artificial memory and he was sure that it would give him nightmares from now on.

That finder, Antonio Lambardi.

He felt sick. Apart from looking like Allen, he was a sick bastard. From the video footage he had seen what happened to Allen the previous day and he had read his file. .

He was only 16, how could he be that sick?

Komui took his time taking in deeper breaths. His stomach was tied in knots.

That wasn't the only thing stressing. He now clearly understood Levierrier's intentions. It was scary.

Allen's innocence was…

"Nii-san?"

Komui's head perked up and he stared at Lenalee with fear evident all over his face.

"Lenalee. U-How may I help you?

While he spoke he shuffled the file and golem off the table and out of view.

"Nii-san, I have the reports that you wanted?" She said.

She didn't know. She was oblivious to what had happened on their way back from their previous mission.

"That's good. Thank you Lenalee" He said standing up from his desk. He wanted to put on his over protective brother routine but felt drained. How could he even try act like that?

"Go and get something to eat. I'll join soon. Afterwards I want to talk to Allen"

Lenalee nodded but head perked up at the last sentence and she stared at him. He could see her fear reflecting off her eyes.

"Really? Why? What happened?" She asked.

"I just want to talk. Nothing wrong."

He quickly replied. Lenalee looked relieved and he felt his chest ache. He didn't want to lie to her. Especially about something as important as this.

"Then, can you try and find out what's wrong?" Lenalee asked again. She looked so much more relieved and a tad disquisitive.

He smiled weakly.

"That's why I want to talk to him"

She smiled like a huge burden was off her chest then she nodded.

"Thank You. I'll get him after lunch"

Komui watched as his sister walked away and felt spiteful.

The Order would do anything to win this war wouldn't they?

Allen was trudging into the hallway weakly. The burning was getting worse. He had staggered quite a few times and was trying to get past. Link had some paperwork to do leaving him alone again and he was more than grateful for that. He had to keep everything quiet.

He could still remember the words Antonio had said when he regained consciousness and he sent shivers burning down his spine.

His life really enjoyed being messed up, didn't it?

When he reached the lunch hall he immediately straightened up and felt reassured when he succeeded.

Just get something to eat and act normal.

"Hope that works for ya"

Allen froze in mid footsteps almost tripping. He stared at his foot then turned and froze when he looked into a window and saw his reflection and felt his heart beat spiral out of control.

NO, NO, NO!.

This was wrong.

People were staring at the frozen exorcist but he didn't pay any attention to them. He focus was frozen in place. He stared at his reflection and felt himself getting dizzier with each passing second.

He was going to pass out. He couldn't.

Allen's eyes felt blurred like white was clouding his vision. Then he lost his breath. No air was getting through. He couldn't breathe. He started suffocating and felt himself getting light headed.

A hand placed itself on his shoulder and he froze falling back to earth then he felt himself lose his breath again. Even he wasn't a good performer.

The soba tasted Bland. It just didn't taste as good as it usual tasted. His ear perked at the sound in the dining room. Everyone was being depressing as usual; for once it matched the mood of the whole war. The only thing that annoyed him was what they were being depressed about. Everyone was talking about the moyashi. Like he didn't have enough problems the way it was. They were determined that he was an enemy in the place. Sad how quickly everyone could turn against a 'comrade'.

Disgusting in fact.

No wonder his food tasted bland. The depressing atmosphere worked well in making even great food taste wrong.

The hall got strangely silent and Kanda perked up to look at who ended the silence. He stared at the teen that had entered and felt annoyed as he had just lost his appetite.

That 'twin'.

He had no idea what was going on, but he was sure that he wasn't the only one that didn't like the change in situation.

It reminded him of Alma. Even if he tried to persuade himself that he hated the kid, he felt comfortable around him, despite the arguments.

Kanda stood to leave scowling all the while then he stopped short. His attention was on someone threat had just entered but had also stopped short but not for the same reason like his. The moyashi looked like shit. Best description that came to mind. The twin stopped short and he noticed the evident scowl on his face showing pure hatred towards the albino. His eyes were fixed on him.

Antonio scowled as soon as he noticed the demon enter the room. He would admit that he actually enjoyed the discussion in the room as people were speaking truthfully about what they thought about harbouring a demon, but when it entered they all went silent. He did feel proud though. Out of everyone, he was the only one who had enough guts to go through with injuring it. He liked the look of pain on the 'akuma's' face as well as the blood that stained its body. He made it bleed its**own** blood, not once, not twice, but a variety of times. He liked it. He wanted to be able to destroy an akuma ever since the incident and even if that meant he couldn't become an exorcist, there were plenty of different ways to do that, even if he had to do it slowly. He would enjoy watching the akuma die as they should.

Still, he wanted to possess an innocence and he felt determined that thanks to Levierrier, he all, he was to head to the innocence chambers now anyway. It would be good if he had an audience.

He turned and walked to the white haired counterpart plastering a smug grin upon his face.

This would be easy. Over the past month, he'd been allowed to stab it for 'scientific' purposes, and what made it easier, was the fact that it didn't tell anybody. Not that anybody would help the demon anyway. Unless he brainwashed them. That was probably what he did to that other girl. It unnerved him. To brainwash such a beautiful exorcist and probably have its way her.

Repulsive.

He placed a hand on it's should and felt smug from the way the thing looked at him. Fear reflected off so brightly, even if it tried to hide it.

It was afraid of him. Just wait.

"Is there something wrong?"

Allen felt himself freeze as he stared at his mirror like image. His fingers felt cold.

""Is there something wrong?" Antonio asked. The smile on his face sent shivers down his spine and the look in his eyes sent the same message as always. He gulped. Everyone had turned to see the scene unfold.

"N-Nothing" He coughed in between.

"What do you want to talk to me about?"

It didn't seem possible but Antonio's smile stretched further across his face then he heard the shuffling of feet. Antonio hand discreetly ran down his arm before clenching tightly making Allen hiss at the pain. It was a still healing stab wound. He hissed butcovered the anguish off of his face still covering it up with a smile. No weakness should be shown. Who knows what would have happened.

"Levierrier has some news." Antonio roughly let go and turned towards the rest of the hall.

"He wants everybody to understand and hear what is going on now" He announced. Allen felt his blood run cold.

"Now if you'll just come with me"

He stayed routed to the spot for a while before nodding following. Everyone else stood up to follow as far as they could and Allen felt his heart drop to his stomach. Whatever this was, he felt like this would be the last minutes of the little pieces of sanity he had left, and he had to kiss it goodbye.

Komui ear perked when he heard the commotion outside. Everyone had abandoned their duties and were now standing in the hall way very close to the escalator leading down to Hevlaska. He was shocked when he got there to find Allen, Antonio, Levierrier and Link. It also made his heart stop if only for a second. Something disturbing and unsettling was bound to exit the inspector's mouth. After all. He was now staying at the order and **smiling**. Even if someone didn't know him they would be unsettled.

"Supervisor. How nice of you to join us" The man looked at his watch then turned back to Komui as if sensing the incoming questions.

"I will answer your questions soon. We are just waiting for the bookmen and other exorcists."

Komui nodded firmly then turned to look at the White haired teenager on his right. Allen looked sick. He looked like he was close to hysteria. It scared him as he understood exactly why.

"Was it your plan for this finder to be stabbing Walker?" He asked as formally as he could muster. His throat felt on fire. Allen's head perked up and he stared at Komui in shock. He obviously thought nobody knew. His face said it all.

How do you know and what?

"I will answer all your questions soon." Levierrier answered again. Komui felt his heart spiralling. This wasn't right. Allen was just a child. Christmas was coming up soon. He wanted the boy to enjoy his birthday as normal as possible.

With family and friends.

They were all standing on the platform. Allen felt his head spinning. It was dizzying because of how thick the tension was. You couldn't **even** cut it with a knife. He was standing directly in front of Levierrier with Link at his sides and his arms binded yet again. He felt like he was on show. Everyone was looking at him like he was some sort of auction. He observed each of the different expressions on each face. Levierrier looked confident and uncomfortable relaxed but his gaze set on Antonio. His arm was surely bleeding. He could feel pieces of his flesh rubbing against the arm of his shirt. It took all of his will not to his.

"I've called you all here today for something quite unexpected but good in our will." Levierrier said, pausing for dramatic effect.

Allen felt himself automatically tense. It had become an unwanted reflex. He felt his breath hook. Something about that look sent shivers down his spine. He wasn't going to like the news.

Levierrier stared grinned at him. A grin that made everyone in the room tense. Whenever the man smiled it meant some drastic changes would take place.

"We have reason to believe that you are in fact not the accommodator for the innocence that you possess."

His eyes widened.

They could do what?

Everyone gasped then everyone started muttering their own assumptions.

Lavi himself felt his eyes widen.

How the hell could that be possible. Allen was at a general's level.

He stared at the inspector. He was talking bullshit. No doubt. That couldn't possibly be true?

"Please Elaborate inspector" Bookman spoke stealing the words right out of Lavi's mouth. Elaborate. Let's hear how on earth that is possible.

"The vactician has stated that we are to remove Walker's innocence and place it to Antonio. If this should fail we will continue looking for the accommodator" He announced. Everywhere went silent. Golem's were buzzing around definitely showing the event to other people in the building. It was unsettling.

He could practically feel his heart beating from the intake of information. The records of experiments on forcing and removing innocence were unknown, yet here they were willing to show the procedure. And with Allen's innocence of all people. That was wrong. Plain wrong. They could kill him and whoever they would force the innocence onto.

They had to stop. Bookman's his arm shot out directly in front of him before he could even think about taking a step and he stared at the elderly man besides him.

"Do not make me remind you constantly." He said. His words sounded as absolute as usual. FIRM. Lavi felt instantly chilled to the bone.

"You are a bookman, nothing more"

He felt his breath hitch. He hated it. Hated that same statement that was always repeated, either in or outside his conscience.

He was a bookman. He couldn't interfere.

"We have been instructed that we should remove it as soon as possible. Hevlaska, and give it to Antonio Lombardi" The man instructed turning to Hevlaska. The smug look on his face sent shivers down Komui's spine. He was serious.

"You can't possibly…"

"Step forwards Walker" Levierierr continued ignoringeveryone in the room.

This wasn't right.

Allen had a pained look across his face as he stared at the man before him. The look of shock evident on his face but he remained routed to the spot.

Remove his innocence?

Komui's eyes were darting back and forth.

"What…?"

"I have answered your question Supervisor. Hurry upWalker!" The Inspector instructed. His layer of patience was drastically thinning

Allen remained fixed in the position, frozen. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do?

Run?

Something was telling him to run. He couldn't let them take his innocence but…

What was he supposed to do?

A hand roughly shove him forwards and he turned weakly over his shoulder to look at the culprit who had forced him out of his trance. Antonio, of course. The man had a reflected 'sincere' smile that showed he was pleased with the procedure. He knew because he probably looked like that whenever he agreed with something. Allen's eyes darted all around nervously. Everyone was watching. Remove his innocence. That would mean that he had nothing to live for anymore. He wouldn't be able to fight. He wouldn't be an active participant in the war any more.

But...

He felt empty all of a sudden. He wouldn't be an exorcist anymore.

The 14th would…

"Yes sir" Allen muttered shocking everyone in the room. He felt at loss. Like he didn't care. His life was already messed up the way it was.

Allen took steps forwards and watched as Hevlaska lowered her tendrils to his arm.

_It felt like nothing mattered to him. _

He watched as the tendrils wrapped around his arm restricting his movement and tightening gradually. It felt like his skin was burning.

Then he heard a crack.

Allen's eyes widened, tears rushing to the surface quickly without any restraint.

_It hurt. _

He crumbled to his knees feeling a scream tear its way out of his throat. More cracks formed intensifying the pain.

_It fucking hurt._

It felt like Hevlaska had frozen and was breaking away pieces of his arm, including bones.

_It bloody hurt._

There was a sudden bright green flash of light then Allen completely felt his breath shatter within him along with his tormented scream. His eyes trailed to the centre of the light that burned emerald. Then he saw it and was left gasping for air. His innocence. It turned right before his eyes into a green fragment like all the other innocence shards found.

His left shoulder burned. Allen reluctantly looked at his shoulder. Nothing. Not even the stub. It was like his arm was cut off at the shoulder

His felt alone at that moment. Like he was the only one to exist. Like a child all alone in a black world. No other colours apart from himself. Like his innocence was the only thing keeping him sane and white. Like his soul had been ripped out and he was left staring at the only white being in the black space being pulled away from him. He wanted to reach out for it. Cry for it back. Beg if he had to, but his body felt weak. Pain was still running through his body racking his body abruptly as tears spilled from his eyes. He felt like a child again wandering in the dark looking to make a white path.

Except his path had already been created for him.

He felt a sudden spark in his chest and lost all forms of oxygen that he was able to inhale again. His chest hurt. It burned to breathe. What?

Allen screamed again and felt himself shaking violently as if he was in a fit. His body felt like it was imploding. It felt like his heart was sucking something out. It **fucking** hurt. He wanted it to just stop. He felt like he was being sucked through from his chest and like the rest, his body was ripping apart with it. Nothing was helping reduce the pain.

"Make it stop!"

"Allen. What's wrong!" He couldn't recognise the voice . His head was pounding. Something was screaming in his head. It was making the pain more excruciating. He couldn't stop screaming. The scream was worse than akuma's soul. It burnt into his soul.

"Walker. Stoop exaggerating!"

"Allen-kun!"

Still he couldn't make out any voices.

"Please make it stop!"

His vision was dyeing black around a light then all he saw was a glowing tentacle retracting.

Allen's scream drastically cut off. His eyes lost all light and glazed over and he was frozen in position. Life disappeared from Allen's body . He slumped, limp and he fell face first onto the floor. Everyone stared I shock at the formal exorcists now almost lifeless body. He couldn't breath or see anything. It hurt.

_Everything simply hurt__**.**_

**YES! I Love This Chapter. I finished it. This story is going to be good, I can just see it.**

_**How should 'Allen's' innocence be with Antonio. A Claw or crown clown?**_

**4000+ Words. Yay! Hope you liked and remember to review as it motivates me to write more. Don't be afraid to push that little button that says review.**


	7. Dreams to Reality

**Chapter 4: Dreams to Reality**

`The hall felt less comfortable with each passing second, Lavi dually noted. The event from yesterday was still being discussed and it only made him feel more uncomfortable. Everything felt weird now that Allen would have no innocence and left arm and was in a minor coma. Howe could Allen not really be Crown Clowns accommodator. It didn't feel right. Scratch that, It didn't make sense. The innocence that Allen was born with that innocence and yet, it was basically just that Allen was just a handler who would give it to its actual owner. Like Allen was just being used till the innocence found its rightful owner. What was the point of him having it if it was just going to be taken and given to someone else? It was cruel. Like his…no…_Antonio's_ innocence was only doing that to spite him. Because of it, Allen had suffered so much and when he finally was welcomed to the world, he had to start again. Lavi sighed trying to diminish any sign of his annoyance. Screw annoyance, he was pissed off. Plus, to top that off, now he had to help Antonio train with his innocence. It was all just wrong. He just felt like something was going to happen.

What was worse was the fact that his innocence wasn't showing resistance, or anything for that matter. It was working in perfect sync with him. Lavi held his breath and patiently waited for Antonio to activate the innocence. He wanted Allen to wake up. He wanted Allen to quickly wake up from this 'coma' so that he could take it back. No one should be able to control that fragment apart from him. Screw being a bookman. No matter what bookman said, bookmen were still human. They still would have some human emotions.

It was dark. Everything was dark and deathly silently. And he wasn't moving. He couldn't move. His body was chained down to the chair that he was in. The dark was clouding his senses making everything hard for him to identify. All he knew was it was too dark. He felt frighteningly comfortable. So much so that he felt lifeless. His eyes were a dark dull grey taking on the mixture of both worlds. For some reason that was repeating in his mind. Step into the world darker than black and whiter than white. Yet he was in grey. Everything was thrown off. Where was he anyway? He uncomfortably shifted and was responded by something hard and cold tightening its grip on him. Then his eyes widened. He was chained down. Allen bit back a scream as he tried et again to break through the chains but each time he tried the chains only responded by getting tighter. Before he knew it he was bleeding. It stung.

"Stop or that will cut you in half"

Allen froze. His mind barely registered the chains drawing blood through the long trench coat that he had just realised that he was wearing. That voice. His head snapped up and he felt himself freeze at the recognition. Or, similarity. It was frightening.

"Tyki?" The counterpart smiled and moved closer making Allen's breath hitch on response. When he was close enough it was then that Allen felt himself freeze. No movement or response, just freeze. There was a kind of pressure on him, like gravity, that prevented him to even move. He was only able to gulp and feel beads of sweat break out on his skin.

"Now" The other spoke. His voice was melodious yet childish. Similar to his, Allen noticed. The other walked towards the chair that he was seated at and dropped to his knees silently with his grin never leaving his face. Up close His appearance didn't look like Tyki's one bit. Only the hair. Only the style. He didn't look like Tyki one bit. In fact, the other teen in front of him that had just knelt was grinning.

He resembled two different people. It was wrong.

It gave him evidence of two things.

One, he knew he would not get the answer to, while two, the answer was obvious.

'The fourteenth and Man were brothers.'

Allen's breath hitched again and he was left staring at all the teenage features in front of him.

'Did Mana love me?'

'Mana kinda lost it when his brother died'

Allen's mind was screaming at him. The background was dying black with it. Did Mana love him, or was only because he harboured the fourteenth. It was heart wrenching as if he had gotten his answer. He features resembled man in minor ways but in the most obvious ways it mirrored someone else. As if Allen was staring into a distorted mirror. Black hair, no scar. Grey skin. Yet…he still looked like a mirror image.

"Do I look like Joyd now?"

The matron was walking quickly. In fact, she was panicking. Almost running. What was Levierrier thinking. She really hated that man. He cared nothing about them apart from his own life. He even abandoned his own family to die and selfishly took over. Now he was planning to rip apart someone else's family. And he was doing a devastatingly good job. What on earth was he thinking. Was the man born to be the reincarnation of that sadistic German bastard. She didn't believe in that rubbish but here it seemed to make sense. If so, then Levierrier was rejected as an artist before.

She shook her head and entered the medical department feeling the same annoying dread as always take over her. Who ever said working in a hospital was an easy thing to do. It hurt both mentally and physically. There wasn't a day where she regretted deciding to work for the order. A normal hospital would have been much easier. Here, if the superiors wanted something or someone for and experiment they got it. Here, people would appear twice as injured as any stranger you would find in a normal hospital. Here, the wounds where inhuman and life altering. It was disturbing to know someone and then try your hardest to save them only for them to die. It was heart wrenching. What was worse was that the exorcists just kept getting younger and younger each time. Children who hadn't even gotten to live were dying.

She stopped at the door she was at reluctantly before pushing forwards and walking in. Not the time to be thinking of such things. The latest patient had internal injuries and he was just 16yrs old. He hadn't even been in the order for a year and he had so many problems . She felt sorry for him. Such a sweet boy. Levierrier had gone too far this time yet there was nothing she could do. Nothing that anyone could do.

"Has he reacted to anything?" She asked alerting the other nurses and doctors of her presence. She also took note that the boy was breathing hard as if he was in a panicked state. Any little movement or reaction would be crucial. If they didn't take notice of any reaction it would prove more difficult problems. Working at the Dark order was a very hard job as it always left her stressed whenever she was able to take time off. She had also aged dramatically with the stress. She used to be a carefree teenager like the others and now she entered the order and was struggling. It wasn't like she was regretting her choice as she met varieties of people. But she would have like to have chosen a different career aspect.

"We've given him some morphine to try and take him out of his state of unconsciousness, but that has done nothing but cause his pulse to rise. Although he is just barely stable. It's like he's fighting his state of consciousness and the whole in his heart is also causing problems. We cannot perform surgery with him in this state. Maam" The doctor said. He turned to her with the notepad at hand and she gave a depressed sigh then walked to the boy's side. He was still in the same unconscious state. The coma was a shock but it was in itself a relief as there could have been worse problems that could have appeared. The whole in his heart reopened as his innocence left him which could have killed him instantly with internal bleeding. Talk about fortunate. The only problem was he immediately fell into a coma, and coma's were, daresay, unpredictable. Who knows how long it would be till he wakes up or, will he even wake up? Those were the depressing questions there. Still she would put her faith in him. Child or not, he was proving to own the status of a General, even if he didn't possess his innocence.

The fourteenth moved away. He just stood and turned away from him. Then with a click of his fingers the chains shattered. Allen remained seated though staring at the retreating figure. Just what the hell did he mean by that? Just as fast as the chains shattered, they reformed but only around him, nto tincluding the throne like seat. Allen ignored it.

"What do you mean you're not '_exactly_' going to control me? Isn't that what you Noah's do?" He shouted. The fourteenth just turned to him. His expression was a mixture of bored and annoyed./ It took Allen by surprise that he flinched in the seat still not standing. He didn't understand why he was so uncomfortable around him. It wasn't because of the resemblance that he thought was the reason Mana adopted him. Nor was it because of the fact that the other was a Noah. It was more like just his personality was…abnormal. Scary in a way. His behaviour was scary as he was so laid back and his thoughts kept going back to how the fourteenth was able to kill all the others of his _family_. That's what was frightening. How they could be just as human as everyone else yet so sadistic.

"Like I said. I don't plan to kill you. Never believe in Cross. He always lies" He said. He sounded so care free. His attitude spelt fear though. Allen hissed and looked around quickly at all the dead trees. This background, it was exactly the same as the one before. Dark Crimson sky, Dead trees, and the black moon in the centre. Not the place he wanted to return to. It was the reason he hadn't slept in the first place. Allen hissed silently feeling sweat across his temple. What now?

"What now! Do you plan to kill me and take over now that I don't possess innocence!" The other shook his head. Allen cautiously stood up onto his feet keeping a steady gaze on the Noah the whole time. The sound of crumbling quickly filled his ears swept with the wind though shaking his concentration. Allen's head snapped back in panic as he turned to stare at the seat…or the remainder of the carved seat, almost like a throne, crumbled. Simply crumbled. It looked like it was reflecti9ng a part of his soul by the way the pieces turned quickly into rumble forming cracks upon the still undamaged pieces and breaking it away before landing and sinking into the floor. Then, before he knew it, the pebble like path flooded. The rocky path of marbles and pebbles sunk being swallowed by black oil, and he was standing directly in the middle of it. Allen quickly spun back to the fourteenth in sheer panic feeling ridiculous for asking such a stupid question. It was basically like asking to be attacked wasn't it. The fourteenth was still looking at him with the same bored expression then his head tilted.

"If you think like that then you'll ruin the mood even more" He said. Allen froze. His resentment was returning.

"Then WHAT Happened!"

"You also won't get an answer from me unless you kill the hostility" He flinched. What hostility?

"I'm not being hostile"

"Whatever you say kid" The fourteenth replied. Allen was left staring at him. Jeez, what was with all the Noah's?

"We're still human kid"

Allen flinched again and looked back up towards the other in confusion.

"I didn't say anything"

"Doesn't mean you didn't think about it" Allen froze, yet again. Could this guy read his mind?

"Yep" Allen was left staring at the fourteenth after his immediate answer to his unasked question. He began walking towards Allen alerting him of his smile that was mischievous and sinister in a way. Allen automatically stepped backwards. His leg was halted though. When he looked down he realised that the oiled surface had changed so that a it had outstretched and pulled his left leg down a bit restricting his movements. This was a bad sign that he wasn't going to like whatever was going on and there wasn't a thing that he could do. Answering his thoughts the chains tightened. He shuddered against them and struggled to pull himself free feeling panic creep its way into his sense. Still, he took the risk. He'd rather die and have some knowledge than die and have nothing at all.

"What do you plan to do?" Allen shouted. The fourteenth just grinned.

"I'll explain everything later" He whispered. He pushed a finger into Allen's temple and immediately a shadow took over his vision then as he stared in front of him he froze with recognition. Instead of the lookalike mirror, the same shadow that haunted his dreams grinned at him. He stared into hollow eyes unable to pull away and felt shudders climb along his body. Then the curved smile widened and Allen felt his skin pale at an impossible rate.

"For now, See you soon" It whispered. Shadows rose all around them but he was still paralyzed from fear. Then, like a waterfall, the shadows rushed engulfing him. He suddenly felt like he was falling through oil and couldn't breathe. It was flooding his system rushing in through his nose and mouth and even eyes blinding him with its blackness. He tried to scream but all that came out was a gurgled ripple in the sea of black. Tears escaped his eyes and he finally loosened unable to breath in the current world. He had lost and now it was the end.

Allen's eyes snapped open and he immediately fell into gasping for air and choking. His heart was practically pounding in his chest trying to escape from the mental torment. Allen was left choking in ghis spot and at reflex he gripped at his chest in pain. He couldn't breathe. He felt like something was burning in him. After a few minutes the pain subsided leaving him just gasping for air. What had happened? Was that a nightmare. Talk about scary. I t was more graphic and frightening than the last one that he had. It was too realistic. The loast time that he had slept was a week ago and it was also the last time he ate, wasn't it? Everything was to stressing on him. Now what was going to happen.

Allen was breathing hard and he turned to the machine that had been beeping loudly eversince he woke up. Why was there an tube connected to his chest? Now that he thought about it, where was he? It looked like the clinic. He fingered a plastic coated tube connected to his chest that was attached to the tube then noticed how light everything felt. And how lightheaded he felt. Something was missing…from his… side?

Alllens head automatically snapped to his left side and his mouth opened in a silent gasp. How hhe wished everything was just a nightmare. But it defiantly wasn't.

He wouldn't be in so much pain if it was just a dream. That's why…It looked like his arm had been completely cut off neatly by the shoulder. Like he had removed his sword. His bangs covered his eyes and his teeth grit together. This wasn't a dream. Allen started shaking. His teeth were clenched tightly together as he attempted to force down his upcoming crys. He really had lost his innocence. It wasn't like last time. It wasn't that it was destroyed. No, this time it had completely left him. Willingly left him. His innocence left him. He felt betrayed. He couldn't stop trembling even if he tried. His innocence left him. Allen's hands fumbled quickly as the beeping in the room increased as well as his heart. He couldn't stop trembling and could feel himself hyperventilating. Everything was wrong.

Unfair. Unjust.

He felt like his entire existence was basically a lie. To be used. He was simply being used. Allen's fingers fumbled across himself and the shock pads and IV tubes were ripped off. The beeping stopped. His eyes felt blurry and his throat heavy, but still he refused to allow tears to escape. What use was it to cry here.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He was nothing but…but…

'_Ink on paper'_

_Ink on paper. The words echoed in his head for some reason that he didn't understand or remember. But, it was matching._

A loud shrill echoed from his room. And Allen faced the side to where the shrill came from. It was loud. Obnoxious in a way, yet he felt mad. Why? He was smiling. He was still able to wear Mana's mask even though there was a loud crack that ran straight6 through it.

He was still smiling.

"SUPERVISOR! Walker- Kun has woken"

Komui's head snapped up instantly form his desk. He paused for a while still dazed about the information but then he felt his eyes widen even more. Allen was awake? That was great. He was out of his coma. It had been over a week.

The matron stood at the door then he noted how the usually stern woman looked distressed and worried. That was never a good sign. A loud shrill echoed off the hallway and the look on the other woman's face was priceless. Utter fear. He felt his heart jump with the noise.

"Hurry" She called running in the direction of the infirmary. That was a rare sight so he knew something was wrong. The shrill was a drastic fear. He was sure that everyone else heated it too.

He jumped up from his desk leaving his report to rush over and find out who was in danger while he silently prayed that it would not be Allen. Death might be an escape in the war, but there were people that needed him. Selfish or not, he didn't want to lose a member of his family.

He could finish writing about Antonio's progress later. Things had changed over the past week and if Allen was fine, he would have to tell him the news about his status, which, in his opinion, was worse than death.

Everything would be different and it would be best for him to be the bearer of bad news.

Komui halted. Not slowed, halted. Better him than Levierrier. He slowly began to walk following the direction the head nurse had stopped and he nervously peeked in past her through the doorway that she was. A breath of relief was let out. There he was. Obviously in some pain but alive. In fact he was even smiling like nothing was wrong. As much of a relief it was he felt grief and the burden of the news within him.

Allen was so young…yet he was destined to suffer.

Allen's head popped up and he stared at the head nurse feeling himself breaking more under her gaze. Still, he felt his smile broaden. How was it that he couldn't stop he didn't know. The older woman rushed to his side with annoyance evident all over her face, quickly snapping something on the machine which, to his relief, stopped the high pitched and piercing sound. Then she sighed.

"You mustn't worry us like that Walker" The woman muttered. He stared at her speechless then sighed. She really looked tired.

"Allen-kun?" Komui interrupted. The white haired teen turned to face the person who stood in the doorway. He felt his face curve into a smile.

"Hi, Komui."

"You really had us worried. How do you feel Allen?" Komui continued. He looked a bit uncomfortable to be there Allen noticed. The teen gripped his left shoulder nervously. There really was nothing there.

"I'll be fine" He whispered. From the look on Komui's face he could tell that there was something else to his question. Something to do with his arm. It was unsettling but he still weakly smiled feeling exhausted.

"How long have I been out?" He asked. This time the head nurse answered.

"You've been in a coma for a week now" She answered. He dually nodded not really caring. It was a surprise to the two other occupants in the room. Still he ignored them. He had been in that world for a week. It felt like an hour at most. It really was funny how time worked. Speaking of which. Everyone would have probably been given missions or training.

Antonio must have been training.

He didn't want to know about it. That innocence that he was born with was now in possession of someone else. It simply spelled out betrayal as an emotion of his. Allen's eyes glazed over at the thought. What would happen to him now. He wasn't an exorcist anymore and was also amputated of his formerly deformed limb. It was probably deformed because he wasn't the original owner. Like that gladiator…Victorio. He was just being used by innocence.

"Allen-kun?" Komui called. He hadn't realised when the supervisor had moved into thw small room. The look on his face showed that there was some news to be said that he wouldn't like.

"What else Komui?" The boy asked putting on another smile without even realising it. It had become so easy. Komui gulped. He noticed how the older man fidgeted. He wasn't going to like this one bit. _Still, how could things get worse?_

"You've been rebuked" The man said. Allen stared at him refusing to frown.

_How could things get worse?_

"Since you no longer possess innocence, you are no longer an exorcist"

He nodded.

_How could things get worse?_

"Does that mean that I have to leave?" He questioned. If he had to leave everything behind he would probably commit suicide. It would end his pain and keep the fourteenth at bay.

"No." Komui continued. Allen's head perked up.

"Since you know about the order you will stay here and continue to work"

"As what?"

Komui gulped then changed into his serious mode where he was could seem heartless. Allen just stared at him with his eyes glazing over. He repeated the question and Komui sighed then turned away from him ready to leave. He stopped just at the door and turned to look over his shoulder.

"You will be a finder putting your life on the line from now on" The man said. Then he left. Allen just stared at where he had left from. He was frozen and felt his previous thoughts replay in his mind.

His existence was simply to be used. He wouldn't make and walk on his own path. He was simply to be used.

_How could the situation get worse?_

That's HOW! Allen mentally screamed. His head fell backwards and let his head hit the pillow then turned his head to face the opposite direction of the other occupant. He heard a sigh and then footsteps leading out of the room and let out a breath that he didn't even realise that he was holding. Great, just great. Now he was going to just be put out there to die. He would be basically going first in the rush, to die. Just great.

How could things get worse?

"It'll be fine.

Allen shuddered. He quickly snapped up from the bed and looked around feeling anxiety rush with adrenalin through his system. There was no one else in the room and that voice was the last thing he ever wanted to here. It hoped that it was only from his nightmare.

It wasn't.

"Over here" It whispered. Allen's head snapped to the direction of the voice and he felt another cold shudder run through him as his gaze settled on a long mirror on his left side. There, instead of the familiar ominous shadow that he Had forced himself to get used to, it was fading. And quickly at that too. Like someone was blowing ashes away into the wind. And underneath the cleaning shadow, was none other than the fourteenth himself.

"Told you I'd see you soon." He whispered. Each word sent a cold ice creeping up Allen's spine. The golden eyes. The ashen grey skin. And the black formed crosses. He gulped while the fourteenth smile broadened.

"Call me Neah"

**Yoohooo. Fianlly Finished YEAH! Hope you enjoyed, please continue to review as it motivates me. AND SEND ME SOME IDEAS!PLEASE!**


	8. Blood on our hands

**Hey, I'm finally back. I did it. I successfully did what felt like the hard chapter in my life. Really distracting. I've been working hard on all my stories. This chapter is mainly in Allen's Pov. Enjoy.**

Pained Life chapter 8

His head hurt. It was too tight. It was uncomfortable. He felt light. He could say that but all of those things would be lies. Well, part of that. Allen sighed for the umpteenth time that day as he stared at the long mirror in front of him. Everything had changed. It had been a few days sine he was told about the change to his position in the war and it was obvious that everything would have changed. He was scared. He was sure that he had just lost everything that was precious to him. In only a few weeks as well. Wasn't life just sweet. He sighed **again **staring at his left side which had left him feeling nauseous. He hadn't been allowed to leave the medical room for a check up, as well as have anyone visit him, which left him feeling like maybe no one actually cared. He would have to get used to that anyway.

No arm huh. That would take a while to get used to. It had already been five days and he still wasn't used to it. Although, he spent a whole day in a world that he couldn't escape from. He didn't even care anymore. ~Nothing made sense so nothing mattered. If he was to die today…so be it.

"You shouldn't have thoughts like that" Allen's eyes automatically narrowed. Like his life wasn't bad enough. Now he had to deal with this as well. He was basically tempted to beg the fourteenth…er…Neah, as he had been reminded, to just kill him already and end his misery. Once in a while he received snide comments that were not needed and one time he was suddenly pulled into that 'dream world', as he called it, because he refused to sleep. The only good thing was how…Neah…didn't exactly speak. He would just have to get used to the changes.

"Walker? Are you done?" Allen blinked. He sighed again then turned away from the mirror feeling the tale of his _new _beige coat flip behind him. He had forgotten that Link was still in the room. He nodded and bit his tongue as yet another painfully accurate smile formed on his face. How much he hated hat. How much he hated what Mana had done to him. Mana lied, everything was a damn lie. Now he was stained. Still, the smile remained on his face. He couldn't remove it. Mana's mask was sewn to his face.

It was sad. Even Link had to admit. Thing had really taken a drastic turn hadn't it. It was sad that he was still supervising the boy because without his innocence he could be more of a threat. He watched as the boy was released then given his finders coat to wear. That made it even more unfortunate. If an exorcist survived but lost their innocence, sure they would be dispatched but they would be given choices of returning home or remain working, but that was their choice. Him, he didn't have a choice. He was simply a pawn in the war.

Link gave a subtle yawn before dropping all the sheets of paper that he had been given to sign. With the swap he would have to work with the sudden switch from exorcist to finder he had to go over the work that finders were expected to do as that would be what he would be observing. That and that new Antonio kid. It was scary how much the boy was like Allen and not only with his appearance but surprisingly also with his personality. They both would put on a false faced but the difference that Link had noticed from his months of supervising was that Allen was hiding his pain while Antonio was just darker.

Nobody actually knew how bad Antonio really was and what his actual purpose for being there was. Not even Bookman.

It was both a blessing and curse that Levierrer trusted him.

Allen meekly smiled as he walked into the cafeteria silently attempting to ignore the way the it got dramatically quiet along with peoples stares. Still, him and no one said anything. He quietly made his way across the hall towards where one of his favourite people had always been. His smile didn't feel strong anymore as it felt like any more complications on his current state would make him shatter.

He had after all lost his left arm. The arm that had brought both misfortune and salvation into his life. Now he was left feeling unbalanced. The darkness in his life was overthrowing the light. There was no darker than black and no whiter than white. Everything was just…just…

_Dull_

Still. He was still alive (for now) and although everything had changed he would have to business. He was no more an exorcist and was currently 'handicapped' to put into better words. Truth be he didn't feel like he didn't fit in.

He knew it.

Still he would try. He had been alone for a long time, he wasn't going to give up now. Just because he had to be a finder didn't mean he still couldn't be useful. He wasn't going to let anyone put him down no matter how hard they tried. He could only be hurt if he allowed something to hurt him, right?

He was still going to be strong and fight.

As Allen walked up to the front where his favourite chef was he couldn't deny the way that something as simple as the thought of food, which should have been his favourite, was making him feel sick. Like an unseen weight was trying to crush him. When he reached the counter he couldn't help sighing in relief. Nothing attacked him and he managed to get there in one piece. It was too much to take.

Jerry was there looking less eccentric towards him than usual but he ignored that. At least till Jerry spoke.

"Yes Antonio how may I…" The chef stopped when he noticed Allen but the damage was already done. Allen had just felt his head drop.

Right, Antonio, how could he forget about his doppelganger. That made it easier for him to lose his appetite.

"Hi jerry" He replied but with less effort as he felt exhausted. He didn't want to be mistaken for that 'twin'. He felt fake.

"I'm sorry Allen. Its been a while…How's my…?" Jerry cheered losing his voice at the end. Allen just smiled understanding what he wanted to say. He wasn't an exorcist anymore and being mixed up with the guy that was the reason for that was…well…not helpful with his mental state.

With the finders responsibility he would lose so much as it was like he was being downgraded. He had already gotten the basics on the use of the equipment and responsibilities that he would need while working. All in all in a game of chess he was downgraded to a mere pawn where he would die upfront in the war. But hey, this was war right.

"Komui didn't tell you anything right?" Allen chuckled feeling his cheeks stretch into a fake grin. How he could still smile was a miracle. Mana really did a number on him. Still he grinned as if nothing was wrong.

"It's fine. I'll just have some off…" He subconsciously rubbed his stomach feeling more aware of his missing arm again. He wouldn't be able to eat as usual. Wow did this suck. Allen sighed before shaking it off. He deserved a treat. "I'll just have some mitarashi please" He whispered. The look on Jerry's face obviously suggested that he wanted to say something else but was to sad to. It was helpful. He just smiled weakly before scuffling further into the kitchen. Jerry then later returned with a stack of at least 10 dango's smother in the sweet sauce that he loved so much, along with a delicious warm smell wafting up his nose. It had indeed been a while.

"Eat as much as you can Allen" The man wandered before turning to another customer. Allen remained there a while longer just staring at the dish in front of him. He had to eat but the gooey sauce wasn't adding to his appetite like usual. It was tempting to throw it away and just go on an empty stomach.

When was the last time that he ate properly?

It was before he lost his innocence. He had to eat, now. But then he faced another dilemma.

Sit alone. Sit with the finders. It felt weird to feel like this. Deciding against the latter he managed to drag his feet to the table he usually sat, anyone complains, then he would move. At the moment he just wanted to attempt to dig into the spongy treat and have something nice to eat. His stomach even tried to agree but somehow failed horribly.

The dango was soft and spongy. Just as usual. Delicious that he was sure he was crying in bliss. So long. It had really been so long. Allen took another bite and mentally imagined that he was surrounded, but that thought quickly disappeared.

Allen mentally stopped as he recognised some voices. His head snapped to the direction of one of the doors and his dango's where quickly forgotten. Wasn't that Lavi? He didn't know whether he was happy or slightly scared but either way he put on a smile. He froze through as she recognised something that shut him down. He knew his eyes were wide and he felt like betrayal had been taken to a new level and etched itself in his heart. Wasn't that…Crown Clown. His oxygen supply suddenly seemed to run out. Of course that was crown clown. Even though it wasn't with him it gave of the same feeling. The same almost ominous buzzing of the innocence thriving to life. It gave of the same weight of its power.

The only difference was that it wasn't warm. It was freezing instead. As if the innocence was mocking him. Mocking how it wore him despite the fact that it took the shape for a cloak. Mocking how it used him and discarded him like a useless doll only to move onto the next one. That was what he was wasn't it? A doll.

_Mad Puppet_

Someone was talking again. The Noah. Neah, but he didn't hear.

As his friends rushed in he was simply left speechless and just hopelessly staring. He felt like he was behind a glass mirror where all he could do was watch as his friends continued happily but without him. While he watched some impostor filling his shoes. An impostor had taken **everything** from him and he was lost trapped behind unbreakable glass only able to helplessly watch.

Powerlessly watch.

So this was his new life. He just grimaced at the image. He was fading and would soon just disappear.

Kanda, Lenalee and Lavi had run to the short queue followed by his doppelganger as they each deactivated their innocence. It was funny how he didn't feel jealous in anyway. It was more like he wanted nothing but to get out of their. Like the fact of his existence was only going to make things worse. He felt like a bad omen from just existing.

Allen discreetly managed to stand up and stride to the corner of the hall where he could put his plate away. He was almost invisible.

Almost.

People still looked at him differently, warily. He wasn't welcome anymore.

He dropped his plate but kept the stick of dango that he had been trying to eat. He needed something to eat. Still his luck for the day hadn't gotten better. Someone had rushed passed him. The sudden human contact that he realised was also the first he had received ever since that time on the train a few months since he experienced the feeling of falling or being pulled very far and quickly. It was a familiar yet alien feeling.

He gasped at the air that was forced out of him yet again.

The space around him had suddenly felt heavy and cold. A putrid smell entering his nose as well. Like ash mixed in with blood. He was afraid to open his eyes.

When had he closed his eyes?

Hesitantly his eyes opened to slits but they widened almost immediately. This was the order and there was akuma and Noah's everywhere fighting exorcists. Another attack was taking place. Wasn't he just in the cafeteria. This was somewhere below ground. He felt sick and useless till he witnessed to things. His attention wasn't on the scientist whose contact had seemed to bring the guy to this place. Too this dream.

His eyes fixed one an image and he felt fear and worry completely paralyze him.

That was him. And Antonio. Crown Clown was activated but it was obvious that Antonio was unconscious and 'he' (the other him) was holding with his only arm while using his legs to support himself from falling with the 'exorcist' off of a ledge. He was trying to save the other look alike…

But he didn't need to…

Allen mind vaguely processed the information as it suddenly felt like everything was going in slow motion just to spite him.

Then he was falling… The other him was falling, and fast.

Everything seemed to go silent. He couldn't hear anything anymore except for himself muttering what was no doubt his final words. Then there was just a sickening thud.

A cold lifeless and unmerciful sound that just sent shudders throughout his body.

Even worse he could see his own face reflecting lifelessness towards him. His body directly in front of him like an lifeless corpse. And, now grey eyes cold, blank and reflecting a now soulless body.

He…just died?

There were many things Adam was contemplating. Many things that was on his mind. The title the earl surprisingly meant nothing to him. Not now anyway. He was, shockingly worried. Worried about his health when he of all beings did not need to worry about it.

Still, he was currently worrying. Those human feelings seemed to be trying to resurface and they only resurfaced when a Noah was awakening and they should have ended long ago. He had after all completed his collection. Just like prophesized each Noah had finally awakened.

Tryde, Joyd, Desires, Fiddler, Mercym, Road, Bondomu, Lustful and Mightra.

Each descendent had been revived but he would have to look for Wrath again.

Still, the emotions that he was suddenly suffering from was too strong and abnormal for it to be a link to another Noah. The emotions each Noah would have were different as if it was joyd he would be experiencing an unusual amount of pleasure from almost everything, even things that he hated.

And now, instead of feeling wrath for the other missing Noah, or other weak inner conflicts he was feeling a mass need for destruction. A painful surge of power that was in conflict with itself. He hadn't felt this feeling in a long time and he recognised it clearly. Recognised the fun yet he could feel the utter despair.

That only meant one thing. That his 'brother' must have somehow reawakened as well. And this time he wasn't going to let anything get in the way. Still, even the innocence seemed to have another idea but on similar lines.

He did steal a certain fragment of innocence that he kept and had not destroyed. It was just there next to his bed. Just sitting on his dresser. Just staring there at him. It was the only special shard of innocence that he couldn't bring himself to destroy. It wasn't the heart but it was like a memento for him with who had used it. White, not that green glow.

One of the few things that he would keep.

And he was the earl.

He stood staring at his reflection feeling his lips curling deathly evil. His eyes widen. This body. This appearance. He would use it again and again if he had to. For now…

He had planning to do.

Allen's eyes were wide open. He didn't know when he had 'returned' back to the order but he was frozen. He did. What were those things that he was seeing about himself,. Why was…What was those things that he was seeing. Was that the future. Last time that that happened to him he saw the future or something. Was that his future?

Was he going to die? Like that?

No

No

That couldn't be right? He couldn't die like that. He was meant to keep walking.

Before he knew it he felt tears rushing out of his eyes and his body shuddering in fear and terror. In absolute fear.

He was going to die.

Allen didn't know how long he had been standing there or how long he had been shivering but he didn't notice and bother to notice the people around him. The thing on his mind was now only about him. Forget his 'selfishness'. It was the one thing he feared. He feared witnessing that feeling again of just cold reaching out for him. He hated the feeling of just ceasing to exist. He still wanted to live.

_You will live a long life Allen_

"Allen- kun?" The voice was louder now but this time his brain functioned fast enough for him to hear it. His head snapped in the direction the voice came in and he immediately froze unsure of how to react. How could he react now anyway? He was feeling to much inner conflict. He was now basically fighting against himself unsure of what to do. Fighting because of confusion.

"Allen-kun" T he eagerness that he had heard previously in Lenalee's voice had been shattered. And why, because he had lost his innocence. Because he was handicapped. Because he was Wearing the finder uniform? Because he was crying. Because he was dying? Or because…they had replaced him and now to the world that he fought for,

Allen Walker would no longer exist.

He ignored he worried or shocked look. He ignored the way the hall seemed to get quieter. And he ignored the definite stares in his direction. It didn't even matter of how broken and fragile he look. It didn't matter that his faced had completely shattered. What mattered anyway.

He was going to die.

He gulped, turned and ran tears freely streaming from his eyes. He didn't want to be there didn't want to deal with all the 'fake' love. Didn't want to have to deal with anymore pain and he didn't want to be in the order since that was the place he would die. He just wanted to get out as fast as he could and escape with his life. Call him a coward, whatever. Fighting was easier but if he couldn't do that he felt expendable.

He needed a mission.

Lenalee was shocked but to say the least. Nobody knew what had just happened and nobody knew how to register it. Allen had…Allen had woken up. Why hadn't she been told anything. Why hadn't she been informed right away. Allen had woken up in the infirmary by himself. It didn't matter how long he was in a coma, she wanted to be there for when he woke up. Welcome him back. To be there despite all that he had suddenly lost. But no…

They weren't there for him. He was all alone.

She felt like she had betrayed him. Abandoned him. Abandoned his for the schizophrenic bastard that was his look alike.

They were nothing alike.

They were assigned to train him by Levierrier himself and out of fear for the man she complied but she felt disgusted by just being around him. He was off. Sick even. Most likely bipolar. He kept having side lapses, with which he obviously thought no one notice, where he would show a cruel nature to people he seemed just hate. Lavi, Kanda and even bookman noticed to. It also felt like Komui was hiding more than necessary information than her. She was honestly scared.

Everything was changing. She hated change. It never felt good. It always felt like more pain was just entering her life through change. More suffering.

But still. That face. Those tears. She had never seen Allen looking so vulnerable before. So…scared. It made her feel like she had replaced him, forgotten about him.

She felt like she had just willing broken a large piece of her own world and forced another one there.

The halls were unusually soothing and quiet and it helped. It really helped calm him down. That and the unusual singing in his head. It was almost voiceless but was warm and light as a whisper. Allen didn't know what to think of it at first but it was helpful. Relaxing. The fourteenth was singing. Neah was helping. For some reason the distant whisper in his voice was relieving him of all his worries and all his fears.

_Tsunaida te wo kisu_

He actually couldn't decipher what the words meant. Even though he could speak and understand many languages this was a distant one for him. A foreign one.

Allen stopped at the door he had reached and felt a warm dizzying wave pass throughout him and before he knew it he was wide awake…and calm. Like nothing was wrong.

'_Thanks'_

He breathed out before knocking.

Why wasn't he scared? And since when was he comfortable with having this…being existing within him?

"Yes come in"

Allen breathed a sigh. It didn't actual matter now for some reason. He should just get his new and first mission assignment.

The door opened warily but instead of meeting the normal tired feeling of the office he was met with more of a wary aura. And why?

Because sitting in this office wasn't only Komui but the infamous Levierrier.

Allen gulped. Of course his day wanted to Play and lose a bet against fate causing him more bad luck.

"Allen walker. We was just about to send Link over to collect you"

That akuma had to die. It had to be destroyed. It just kept coming back when things were getting interesting.

That was why 'his' innocence was acting up wasn't it. Because that Akuma had infected it with its virus. It was obvious. There was a large black star on the back of the white cape whenever it was activated. And his left arm would often feel itchy.

Unlike the demons arm when his innocence was being forced into use it wasn't black. Antonio's arm was normal but had a small cross on the back. He was stronger. And on top of that he still had his collection of antique items (weapons) that he could keep to fight. He would protect everyone, including his new 'family'. This time he would protect what he held dear from any akuma even if the appeared human to 'family'

Akuma were after all just demons in human skin.

"Wasn't I supposed to be charged with heresy?" Allen murmured. It was surprising yet both scary how calm the boy was. Komui gulped. He had tried everything. EVERYTHING. And still nothing. He just sat at his desk regretfully looking down at random sheets in front of him though his focus was on the conversation at hand.

He had already heard the reports but he couldn't do anything. He was outnumbered. They all were.

The way the corners of Levierrier's face tugged with a smirk made his blood boil.

"Yes walker, you were supposed to be trailed with heresy but due to the recent events we and the pope have reasons to believe that you are no longer in control. He himself issued an imperial order" The man snarked. Allen almost seemed lifeless with his response. Komui wanted to beg the younger boy to stop talking. To stop prolonging everything but it was hopeless.

"And what makes you think that?"

"From Links inspection and reports we have of course noticed you lack of energy and weakness that has slowly been overwhelming you. Along with the fact that you RE NOW practically deemed you useless you have no innocence to help you fight your Noah genes. You are practically a destructive time bomb just waiting to detonate."

At this Allen chuckle.

"Weren't you the ones that caused all this to happen?"

"We were simply doing what's best for the our side of this war. Pardon me for my curiosity but you don't seemed the least bit bothered by this news. I even baked a cake to calm you down as I expected you to be angry or emotional."

Komui finally looked up from his desk finding his eyes widen at Allen's expression. The boy that he had come to know over the past year. The boy that had come to be like his little brother looked like broken glass. So straight yet broken and damaged.

Allen looked dead. Like the living dead. A face that did not suit him. There was no expression at all. The boy didn't look helpless, sad or angry. He didn't look like he cared.

Was this really Allen?

"Allen-kun…"The man began but was cut off.

"Sorry that I'm to tired to entertain you but I don't feel like wasting my time anymore" The white haired teen said ignoring all the shocking occupants of the room.

"I would like to go on this last mission like you have said before my execution" He muttered before standing up. To say Levierrier was disappointed would have been a understatement but he hid it well. To say that Komui was in guilt wouldn't have been a lie. But both men didn't say a word. Komui albeit reluctantly handed the cursed boy a magnolia folder before slumping in his seat wallowing in a thick sea of guilt.

Allen walked out quietly followed by Link as usual then a few minutes later Levierrier seemed to have had enough and had left. Leaving the scientist in his now silent office.

Was it bad that he was crying instead of Allen? It felt weird.

15 Years. Only 15 years of age. He wouldn't even be allowed to enjoy his 16 birthday. He would die so young and not even be known as the hero who fought for others but as the enemy that was weak. No honour.

And Allen didn't even seem to care. Like he didn't have the energy to fight back. As if the strong valiant teen that never abandoned hope and always fought to the end, had given up.

Horrible.

With a sigh Komui hastily wiped his tears staring at Timcampy which almost had the same sadness in it.

_Allen Walker. _

_Due to the situation the pope will be issuing an imperial order. As Allen Walker is no more an Exorcist and Valuable tool to our side of the war he shall be classified as a Noah._

_And executed on Sunday the 18th __of December _

Killed just one week before his birthday.

And his blood would be on all their hands.

**I know that this is a long chap but that's your reward. Might have babbled a bit. Also, it was very hard to write due to how I needed to set the mood in the story. Sorry for all the long stuff but it will make more sense I promise. Also anyone have vague Ideas on stuff I could use? Like Innocence, names ideas? I'm not creative with this concept. **

**Anyway please review with what you guess would happen. Encourage me.**


	9. Insert, Madness

**AAnimeLoverr29 is back. Succeeded in writing again. Long chapter here but I couldn't skip it as it was an important scene that would lead to the next chapter. **

**Finally I've done it. The next chapter is finally complete. Please enjoy my hard work that is 6000+ words. Also, please, please, please review.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 9 : Insert Madness**

She was silent. Everyone was. For one of the first times Lenalee was dead silent.

Kanda, Lavi. Everyone was simply silent. And why? Why?

Well that was hard yet easy to explain.

Painfully and unbearable.

Everyone was simply eating their lunch trying not to think about the situation but it was the truth. They shouldn't have been there. They shouldn't have followed Allen. They would have preferred to have just been oblivious to everything. To have not heard anything but due to their curiosity and childish worry they received something that was too much to bear than what they expected. She received something that was shattering and cracking her world to the point of no return. Shattering her world to the point of where there would only be dust and glass that could never be returned to the way that it used to.

Everything was breaking and turning to dust before he very eyes and drowning her. It was like she was like she was becoming asphyxiated. Like she was in an hourglass that was filling to the point where it was too heavy to tip over and hence would engulf her to. She was being killed by her own, now 'former' happiness. It was too much to bear.

Lenalee remained frozen hearing the words over and over in her head. Not being able to comprehend the situation. She simply didn't understand at all.

'_Trialed with heresy?_'

'_Classified as a Noah?'_

'_Executed?_

_Executed'. _The word itself was a taboo. An omen but she couldn't stop thinking about it. Allen was to be killed. Allen was going to die. Be killed?

No

That couldn't happen. That absolutely could NOT happen. That was impossible. It was a dream. It had to be a dream. She didn't hear any of this. It was simply a nightmare. Everything was just a nightmare. Nee san would never let that happen. Nobody would. He was important. A valuable member of their family. It had to the a lie.

But still a part of her knew it was the truth. It was obvious. Why though. She had woken up like usual. Done everything in the morning as usual. It should have been a similar day where she would just receive a mission and gone to prepare for it. Not overhear such a conversation.

She hated herself. Her curiosity. Her helplessness and her ability to do nothing.

She shouldn't have followed Allen. They shouldn't have gotten together and snuck in. They should have even been anywhere near there but yet…here she was. Hunched in Komui's office with everyone else overhearing the forbidden words. Hearing everything and as punishment feeling her heart shatter.

She was still silent. Too silent than she had ever been in her life. Almost even motionless. He body was in too much shock for the reflex of shivering to even kick in. Too shocked for her muscles to contract in oppose to everything.

It was a lie. It had to be. Allen wasn't going to be killed. Komui wasn't going to just give up. And none of this ever happened. It was just a nightmare. Her brother would never act like and neither would Allen. They wouldn't just give up so it was true. That wasn't her brother. And that wasn't Allen-kun. This was all just a nightmare.

Ever so slowly the girl buried her face in her thighs with wide eyes as she felt the last remains of her sanity try to fix itself.

It was all a lie. Everything.

It was just a nightmare.

She would wake up and go on a mission as intended. And everything would be like a dream.

A simple nightmare.

He was scared. That's right. The usual stoic and basically strong samurai was scared. The last time that he was scared like this was years ago but his fear had simply been brought back to life. He had wanted to die. He had wanted to find someone.

He weak turned to the side passively finding Lenalee unconscious and he understood feeling cold sweat break out on the surface of his skin. He forcefully gulped.

He didn't have stoic fears apart from the worry of a lotus flower losing its petals and sinking into the mud but now he was scared. For that very reason.

A lotus was delicate and would bloom at a special time. It was rare to see. But when it would die it petal and seeds would sink into the mud. A bright, pure (and one of the few things he dare say beautiful) flower could become tainted and Like the few people that had scared him. They always started off as pure and bright, always smiling. Then they just broke. Those were the few things that scared him the most. Unpredictable hippies. When they would become foul in soil losing their previous purity and replacing it with so much darkness.

No matter what anyone would think the most scariest things to him was people who would suddenly change from innocent as they would become sick in the mind where they would believe in something that sometimes made sense but was disturbing at how evil that persons sense of 'direction' could become.

It was one of the few things that he could admit scared him but with Allen it scared him even more.

It was like that person. And that's what pissed him off even more.

That was why he hated people who smiled too much.

They could easily become contaminated and become

**poison.**

Everything was easily considered as a dream with how reality felt hazy. The last couple of days were all hazy and blurred yet at the same time bright and clear. It was indeed humorous.

Allen gave an exhausted yawn preoccupying the thought of falling. No he wasn't falling, his heart felt like it was though. He was just confused. Was alright for him to be feeling like this at a time where he should be feeling grief. Allen gave a yawn just managing to shake of that deep tiring feeling. What made it more ironic was that he was already asleep. More like unconscious. He was just in his 'dream world' as Neah liked to call it.

He was in fact seated on that twisted 'throne' and chained just like the last time that he was there. The only difference was that he wasn't in anyway scared or worried. In fact, he didn't care which meant that he already lost an important part of his soul which held the will to live.

Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Truth be, if Neah was planning on taking over his body then the way to start would have basically been to destroy that crucial part. Still, he didn't believe that the Noah was lying when he said that he wasn't interested in taking over him. Why? Well, would someone who had such a good opportunity be bothered with asking how it's supposed host was? And trying to mend his broken soul instead of trying to break it even more. Instead the Noah was seemingly trying to calm him down and cheer him up.

And it was working.

He honestly felt better, better than when he was awake anyway.

Still, he was curious about why but he would suffice. He might as well enjoy the last few…days or weeks left of his life.

"Allen?"

"Hmmm?" Allen looked up from looking at the pebbles that were remotely by his feat and he just stared at the Noah. It was still weird looking at him but just like before he was getting used to it. Just barely. It did still make him slightly nauseous.

"Yeah?" He asked. Neah simply stared at him from his cross legged position on the floor just in front of him. It was oddly relaxing.

That and the Noah for some reason had a sewing kit in front of him and was trying to decipher how to use it. He must have really been bored. Allen sighed and leaned back slightly glad that it was like a rocking chair.

"You're gonna have to wake up soon Allen" Neah said almost whispered. In truth, Allen didn't want to. Why would you leave a peacefully place for a nightmare that you would actually feel.

Wow, he really had lost his will to live.

He wondered if his phobias had changed from fear of sleep to fear of life. Like before he had fears but they had completely changed to other things.

Allen simply nodded and watched with almost hazed eyes as Neah had dropped the sewing needles . He wanted to just sleep. Just sleep and never wake up peacefully but apparently that wasn't meant to be. Those flashbacks that he got wetre more like visions so that was apparently one of his Noah powers. Still what could he do.

Again Allen nodded leaning back fully and staring at the dark sky that reflected the moon. A shadow looked like it was trying to hide its presence in its light so he couldn't see but it didn't bother him.

This time the moon was too far away.

When Allen woke the sun was blearily making its way into his room. His new room. It was really ironic wasn't it how his doppelganger was literally like his double as he had replaced his entire life. He had taken everything away from him and completely replaced him and taken his former life. Wasn't that just ironic. All he needed now was for Anotnio to have White hair and a scar then everything would be perfect. Along with having his innocence taken away from him and his post of being an Exorcist he had been removed from his own room that had finally become his home and he had be removed of all his belongs for research. He agreed with Neah that that was just plain stupid. What the heck could they research in his belongings. The to do's of becoming a Noah? The clothes comfortable for their skin type?

Hah!

Allen pushed himself up absentmindedly feeling an odd sense of relief in the cooler air. Since when had his temperature increased so much. Still, he needed a shower and meal…small meal just like before. Link was sleeping on the floor by the side of the bed as he usually did and Allen couldn't help the pained expression that graced his face. Was that how it was to be human. To be easy to discard things so easily when fear entered their hearts.

Was he ever human then?

Was he that cruel?

_Don't think Like that Allen'_

Allen simply blinked. He really was getting used to that. Neah talking to him.

He just sighed in reply and hoped the Noah got the point. Silently, avoiding waking up Link, Allen crawled of his bed and made his way out to the bathroom. The door clicked a bit too loudly in the silence but there was no sound that Link had woken up. What was he going to do anyway? Cause his sentence to run earlier?

When Allen made it into the small bathroom that he was granted he weakly looked up to the mirror. And just as expected Neah was looking back at him through the mirror.

"So what now?" Allen whispered. He still wasn't used to the talk through your thoughts thing.

_Get ready for your new mission and try and enjoy yourself_ Neah replied. At this Allen couldn't help but snicker. Enjoy himself.

"But when am I supposed to…erm,…die?"

He didn't receive a reply and just sighed. Most likely after the mission when he would return. That was settling.

His last mission.

"Fine"

Neah image slowly vanished just enough for Allen to see his own reflection and he sighed and splashed water on his face. That is until he felt the corner of his forehead sting with some soap. Allen paused. Washed his face clean then paused. What now?

His eyes trailed up to the mirror yet again and he couldn't help but gulp.

This time it was more obvious.

The left side of his face, top left corner, had a long cut on it that mirrored the one that he had not noticed had formed on the other side. If joined together it could form a halo and due to that Allen felt a cold shudder run through his body.

"Neah? How long does it take for a Noah to complete his or her transformation?" Allen murmured. He almost forgot about the unconscious inspector in the next room and it would be bad if he woke up now.

Neah image appeared again over his reflection and he stared straight tat the Noah in slight desperation. Was this really happening?

Neah simply sighed and for the first time since appearing as his reflection the Noah moved in a completely different way from Allen and crossed his arms. It was distracting if not for the slight sting from new scar.

"_It depends"_

"What do you mean it depends Neah" Allen hissed "Be more specific"

At this the Noah just sighed before moving his hands to his black hair lifting the bangs revealing his own set of full crosses. As if by command, Allen's body mimicked the action.

"_Depending on the Memories each Noah's stigmata would appear differently."_ Neah started. He pointed to the left scar running his fingers over it softly while Allen unintentionally mirrored his movements like a marionette. It was slightly freaky.

So the Noah really could control him.

"_Allen, with your memories it would appear slowly before any pain would be registered."_ Neah continued ignoring his thoughts. Allen couldn't help but but simply blinking. Did this mean that …that…

"_It means that you won't feel any pain at all till the halo of crosses forms due to our specific memories. You'll be in deep pain afterwards when it does but till then since the change has started your nervous system and all the other small stuff with it would shut off. You're…well…practically dead.."_

There was a paused and Neah dropped his hands to his side which effectively gave Allen back his control of his limbs. He wasn't paying enough attention to notice the quick glint of pain in his 'reflected mind'. So that means that he wouldn't feel any pain. At all? He wasn't cold just. Was that also the reason that he had felt hollow the past few hours?

"But I'm still warm?" Allen muttered.

"_You are still alive. Just that you're body isn't going to feel anything to do with pain no matter the damage"_

Allen just sighed so many developments. First he would have to continue wearing gloves to prevent skin to skin contact and the annoying headaches that would follow if a flashback…or vision appeared (along with keep all that a secret)

Now this?

Neah would have a lot of explaining to do later but in a way, for some reason, the whole new development didn't seem that bad. It could be useful right?

He was going to die soon right and till then he would want to try enjoy his last few moments. He just had to keep this a secret.

"And this happens differently depending on the Noah?" He repeated. Just to be sure. Neah just nodded softly in the reflection, which was an action that Allen's body did not copy, before his expression changed to regretful.

"_Don't do it Allen" _He whispered. Allen just shook his head. Of course he forgot that he could read his thoughts.

"Just let me see my reflection Neah"

Neah's face showed so much reluctance but Allen dismissed it off till his image disappeared again revealing his own solitary pale one.

He just stared. Just stared at it. The two scars were to perfect. Conspicuous on the white pale and red skin from the different sides of his face. To accurate and obvious. An obvious sign. It was really ironic.

His silver eyes then peered at the water dropping and then he didn't something that he hadn't done in years. Something that he didn't think that he would ever need to do again unless he was on the streets.

He planned it.

He splashed some water at his feet making a large puddle then held his breath. If he wasn't going to feel pain then it would be fine right. He just needed to hide the scars.

With his eyes closed, Grit his teeth together and aligned both his hands on wall at parallel sides of the mirror.

Then without hesitation rammed his head against the cold, metallic and fragile surface fracturing it into a million splinters. Blood quickly splatted along with it sliding across broken shards and forming together into larger drops creating an unique image along with grotesque. The sound was sharp and precise, especially in his ears.

Allen simply gasped falling backwards onto the floor and into the puddle.

It didn't hurt. Not as much as it should have anyway. He could just barely feel sharp cuts that would have formed.

The sound should have definitely woken up link.

And hid the scars.

The best way to hide something sometimes would be to keep it in plain sight.

Antonio was contemplating what he should wear for his mission. He found it funny that he was currently where he was. It was almost too easy and all he had to do was take what was rightfully his from a demon. That's what he liked best. He stared at his new exorcist coat and felt like laughing. He now almost had everything that he wanted and so quickly at that. All that he wanted was to be able to fight. To not be weak and stifled and yes he got that. His wishes were being answered. He was going to be able to live like he wanted. Live by clearing the world of akuma. Of any threats and he had the power to do so.

Antonio finally had the power. He shuffled the coat on enjoying the feeling of the material. It really suited him. Only powerful solders should have the right to wear such a thing.

He buttoned it up before staring at his left arm which was now black. It emanated power. It made him sick that that monster had it in his possession but he was partially thankful as it was thrumming with that desire for revenge and hatred. That's why it hurt him sometimes to activate it.

His innocence.

As he finally grabbed his suitcase and left 'his' new room, he activated his innocence and went down to where he would get on the boat. Crown clown thrummed with entertainment and he felt satisfied in the warmth.

He would destroy any akuma that tried to get in his way and destroy his life.

He failed to feel the almost sickening cold burst of humour from Crown clown along with the devious glint in the mask.

Almost as if it wanted to laugh at the situation.

If crown clown wasn't originally his why didn't he become a fallen one. In fact, the more he thought about it it was like Allen did as the innocence was using up his life force to fight for it. Was that honestly how innocence was. It couldn't be. There were simply no records where something like that had happened. It was simply where someone tried to force innocence to synchronise with them when they weren't the accommodator, or where innocence was betrayed by the owner, like in Suman Dark's case. Then again. Humans were never born with innocence…were they?

As Lavi pondered this he quietly stir his soup looking around curiously. He had gotten the memo from bookman about the mission to Amsterdam and how the whole group would be leaving together. Well, the remainder of the group. Now with Allen replaced. It was almost scary. It was almost like Allen…replaced…Allen. Still whenever he looked at his mentor he felt even more cautious. Of course the older bookman had lived longer than him and that was why he had recorded more history than him but still…bookman wasn't recording everything. In fact he was keeping secrets from him and he hated that. Bookman knew something and it was obvious from the man quick dismissal of certain subjects.

'You do not need to record this' and of stuff along the lines.

Lavi took another sip of his soup and leaned slightly back in his seat. It was to cold. Still he ignored at stared at everyone on the table. Jerry had been trying to get there spirits up and he was thankful for that but he was failing. Everyone was moody. At least everyone that cared about Allen. Chaoji was moody for other reasons and Antonio…well Antonio was just in glee. Even if they had the same face their smiles and attitudes were completely different.

He was sure that the guy didn't give a shti as that's how humans were when they just met someone.

And Lenalee…well Lenalee just looked guilty. The girl was still trying to keep up conversation but it was just like that time where everyone thought Allen died. She was crushed. Her body was on autopilot. It was there but he mind wasn't. Her friends really meant a lot didn't it. He secretly wondered if he meant that to her as well. Bookman didn't want him to think like that about other people so it would be like he was neglecting her feelings by not thinking the same way."So this mission in Amsterdam about the supposed innocence in the statue right. Sounds like a fairy tale." Lavi just nodded. _Sure it did._ Then his trademark grin followed. He needed to stop calculating like that.

"Yeah. Innocence really likes to majestic right?"

"Shut up Usagi"

And full out teasing session would have started if not for who had entered and Lavi felt himself go quiet and observational again as it was the person that he couldn't deny, wanted to see smile again.

Ok, so smashing your head against a mirror may not have been the best idea in the world but at least it worked. Apart from the cuts on his skin. It did help conceal the former scars though. Still, Links reaction was very funny but with the quick clue that he left with there being water on the floor that followed a pattern and the blood staining the glass it would have most likely led the man to believe that he had slipped and 'accidently' smashed his head against the mirror, not unintentionally planned everything the ram himself into it. The sheer panic that followed along with guilt was both epic and sad.

It was slightly obvious that Link felt guilty. But what was there to feel guilty about. He was just doing his job. Completing his job as his watch guide.

After cleaning the cuts and bandaging his forehead he made his way out to the dining hall to get some food.

What his eyes met was surprisingly an expected sight. That and Neah was playing that song again.

He just smiled at them not bothering to do anything else and he almost glided by to jerry Yes he was hungry and boy did he deserve a treat. He only wished that he could eat a lot but, well, his stomach was cut down. Funny how he could feel sick when thinking of food. When he met the counter though depression settled in fast and filled the emptiness in his stomach.

"Antonio, back already for seconds?" Jerry had sang out while mixing a bowl of whatever food that he was preparing. The man stopped again and just stared at him while Allen looked down again. Didn't anybody know that he had white hair and that that double ganger had brown. He had been there longer than them yet he was still the one being forgotten and replaced.

"_Just breathe it out Allen"_ Neah whispered and Allen did as followed as he had just lost his appetite.

"…Oh…Allen, kun…er what would you…" Allen cut Jerry off murmuring a low 'I'm fine'. He just slid away to get some coffee instead, link following tightly behind before taking a seat in the area that he had before. People get replaced easily here. How could he forget?

"_Allen, try to ignore everything for now"_ Allen just nodded as if he had spoken it would have been strange to Link. He was after all trying to keep everything quiet so to talk to Neah through thoughts was what he was trying to achieve. It was actually harder than it seemed. It only got harder however when Miranda joined him and as much as he like the frail lady he didn't want to be disturbed just yet.

"Hello Allen Kun" The woman said masking her obvious nervousness. At least she seemed to remember him. "Hello Miranda, how've you been?"

"Fine?...I would ask about you but that would be a stupid question wouldn't it?" Allen just smiled. At least in a way she understood. That and his face was stuck with plasters and a bandage round his forehead.

"Allen kun, why aren't you join us to eat?" She asked and Allen just smiled taking a sip of his coffee. The bitter taste felt just right for the atmosphere for some reason. Afterwards he peered at the table that he usually sat at and surprisingly couldn't feel a thing even though almost everyone was looking at him like they expected something.

He really lost his will to live.

"Because, Haven't I been just replaced?" Miranda's expression simply looked distraught but before she could speak Allen interrupted sitting up in his seat. "It's not a problem Miranda. Thank you for being my friend and I understand the situation" He continued before taking another sip of his tea. He had lost so much and it was useful that he couldn't feel anything. He just grinned then stood up bowing quickly.

"Thank you for everything but I need to prepare for my mission"

Then he left with a silent Link in tow.

This was after all his last performance on stage as the clown, before the newbie to his place.

He could only wish for the best and move on.

Literally.

"_Neah?"_

"_Hmm?" The Noah in question simply looked up from his position on the floor where he was lying simply looking at the sky. It was almost stagnant but clear at the same time. Just motionless. Allen shifted ever so softly against the chains around him as he too looked up at the sky. The moon was dull. It was honestly the first time he had ever felt that way . It wasn't white and the sky around it wasn't dark. It was…just dull. Not white nor black but the middle. But this time brighter than white and darker than dark simply felt stagnant. Why was that?_

"_Neah?" _

"_Hmm?" Neah answered again but this time his gaze changed back to Allen. He simply laid there staring at him just as Allen sat chained to his 'throne. It was again an ironic situation._

"_Neah?" Allen asked Again and this time the Noah just sighed. _

"_Allen, if you're gonna ask me something just ask. It's not like I'm gonna bite you head off for an annoying question."_

_Allen just chuckled. Yeah. That was true. His eyes were a dark gray and his skin was sickly light as if he was fading away._

"_Neah. When I was an Exorcist I said that I would fight you"_

_Neah just nodded then pulled himself up._

"_I know that" He simple replied Allen wondered if he knew where he was going. He could read his mind couldn't he._

"_I said that I wouldn't let you take control of my body. I said that I would never give in to you. That I would fight to the end." His hazed eyes turned to face the fourteenth and he smiled. It was a painful image. Like a blind man smiling to the murderer who would kill him._

"_So tell me the truth Neah. I have already lost my willpower. I already feel so empty. Lifeless. Tell me the truth. Neah the fourteenth. _

_Are you been killing me?"_

Allen honestly felt weird. Even though he couldn't feel anything and was feeling lifeless he could still feel one last thing. Like someone was trying to pull him from his left arm which didn't exist. He resorted his to his new hobby of sighing and shifted the weight onto his other leg. Neah didn't answer and was oddly quiet but that was obviously the reason. He was dying in more ways than one. Even after his resolve to not let the fourteenth take control of him he had lost before a fight could even start. It was so simple and even though he knew he still couldn't find the energy to care. He felt like a walking corpse as there was no pain, no sadness and no emotional resolve next. And that was why when Neah told him to do something he did it without question. He just listened and did whatever he was told like a puppet.

Hah, like a mad puppet.

What was the definition of mad anyway?

What did mad mean?

Mentally disturbed. Abnormal. Senseless. Those would all be words that described him. If Neah was the Noah of destruction then he would be dangerous as he was not only destroying his body but also his soul. And calmly at that. So easily as well. So easy that he didn't care. It just felt like all his previous pain and suffering would be taken away as it was being currently.

It was obvious that Neah was slowly killing him whether in or unintentionally though he didn't know.

He watched as Link slipped on his coat for the mission as it was going to be cold and hopefully snowing and Allen couldn't help the serene smile that graced his face. Ironic wasn't it. His first memories actually started in snow along with all the major events and now it would end in snow as well. That was his setting. His background. Pure, white snow that would be tainted with black dirt till it became tainted and dirty ice that would only cause mayhem.

Then just like that he would melt and disappear.

Link took his time to straighten out his jacket and just before he was ready to leave for their mission loud knocks echoed on his door and Allen just mentally groaned.

Now what?

He opened the door and just stared at the invader. Antonio. Of course it was Antonio, why wouldn't it be? Something told him that this bastard would invade his personal space again. Looks like now was the time. He did kill someone, didn't he? And he stabbed him.

Allen simply turned ever so slightly to watch over his shoulder as Antonio forcefully barged past him to Link and he silently listened to the whispered conversation between the two. Link then just nodded and left the room leaving Allen and his 'replacement'. It really was ironic wasn't it? Everything was being broken just like that and then Allen turned to face Tim without much energy left. Tim would record this correct?

"What would you like from me now?" 'As if you haven't taken everything the way it is'

Antonio didn't answer and just slid something long and shiny that it reflected the light of the room. Of course.

"Came back to finish what you started?" He asked again. Then held his breathe as Antonio dropped his jacket showing off the sharp glint that the dagger had.

This was going to test whether or not his body was truly dying to the point where he would be able to feel pain.

When Antonio finally left the room it was half past two. Time for them to leave for their mission. Time for Allen to struggle to gain his breathe.

Although he didn't feel pain it didn't mean that he didn't feel anything. In fact, he felt heavy. His chest felt like a thick weight that refused to let up.

It was a suffocating weight where his body refused to taking oxygen, instead resorting to spitting out a colony of red blood cells that were currently deemed useless.

Allen tried to gasp under the pressure but that only resulted in him choking and gurgling on his own blood that was being pump through his body but at a dangerous weight. He could feel it. Not the pain of open wounds but the pain of suffocating. But he couldn't pass out. He just couldn't. If his soul was still intact and not broken it would have been because he was scared of the consequences of giving up. He simply lay their clutching at the ground beneath him and feeling tears well up. This was too much. It wasn't what he was used to and therefore it was unbearable.

Timcampy remained there silently almost not moving and it became ominous at how calm the golem was. In fact, it was heart wretching as the golem was reacting like everything else. It gave him motivation. He wasn't meant to die here. That's what he believed. He couldn't die there. Not yet. Not now.

With force he pushed himself up leaning on the bedrail gasping to clear his lungs. Just a bit longer. Just a little bit longer. Just let him live a bit longer. And at that moment Allen begged. He begged for just one week. One week so that he would feel completely empty that he wouldn't die in suffering. If he was going to die he just wanted to die peacefully. Without suffering.

_Do you need help? _A soft voice echoed almost around the room and Allen laughed. A sickening laugh. Blood spewing out of his mouth onto the floor and staining his shirt crimson more. Help from the one killing him as well. That was funny. In fact everything was funny. He was actually laughing. Would he die laughing or still be scared. Allen simply laughed.

"Can you help me?" He choked amusement heavy on his voice despite everything.

"Can you really help me?"

When there was no answer he finally came to a stop and cried staring at his sealing. Tear pouring freely from his eyes and simply cried. Could he really be helped? Would he even find salvation in death? Would he ever really be happy or would he just remain lying to himself? Would he ever be free?

"If you can, just help me go on this mission"

Allen never realised how long of a walk it was to get from his room to the arks gate. It was even funny how he was getting there or how he got the new stab wounds cleaned up and fixed.

Then again, everything was pretty funny to him. It felt like that a very weak sign of desperation were the only things that he could feel anymore. Allen just wondered when that feeling would also end. But It was really ironic how he was the one that asked for help and now that he was receiving it he was loathing himself. Asking help from someone who in total was killing you. Not the smartest idea, agreed? Now Neah had apparently killed a bit more of him off and this time he felt it. He felt something just disappear and even though he didn't know what it was and the memory of it was disappearing he just remembered losing another part of himself. Then afterwards everything was restored in an incomplete sort of way. His body was light and painless. Empty as well. Then he didn't even realise as his body took over for him. His body took over, or more like the Noah did and before he knew it he was walking to the gate clutching his stomach.

Allen just smiled when he got there feeling and unusually humour out of everything. Why he needed to clutch his stomach he didn't know but maybe he needed to act like he was hurt. Still, everything was unusually funny and now he felt no desperation. Absolutely nothing now. Just humour and a thirst for excitement. When he got down the stairs he was met with the people that he was going to be accompanying on his mission and could only grin. He could only imagine another reaction on his part but now everything was simply the same.

It was going to be fun indeed.

As he was now truly a clown and it looked like his chapter wasn't finished just yet.

**Yay, Finished. Hope you enjoyed. Please tell me what you think so far and also what you kind of expect or what you would like to happen.**

**AAnimeLoverr29**


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